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LGBQT Widowed

A Wolf in Family Clothing

August 18, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

Over the river and through the woods, Tin’s Aunt had come down to see him before he passed and to help his mother handle a mother’s worst nightmare losing a child. She watched him grow, watched him thrive and now held him as he faded away. I can’t imagine and it seems unholy although if Jesus’ mother had to go through it than who am I to…

Filed Under: Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Miscellaneous Tagged With: guilt, LGBTQ Widowed, family, bryan martin, widowhood and guilt, widowhood and anger, Money, LGBQT Widowed, anger, widow money

The Spice of Life

August 11, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

It’s amazing how simple things can etch a memory deep into your heart. Music, sights, sounds and smells. Food and cooking has always brought back memories of family holidays and campfire stories. Tin loved food. That’s basically the understatement of the year. He would take anything we had in the kitchen and in an hour there would be a…

Filed Under: Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Miscellaneous Tagged With: Finances, memories, widowed missing him, bryan martin, widowed memories, LGBQT Widowed, gardening

The Forgotten

August 4, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

Seconds filled with thoughts turn to minutes and the minutes to hours. It’s only been 3 months so there isn’t going to be a whole day that I won’t be affected by losing you. In all honesty, I will never go a day without missing you. So why does it feel like everyone else has forgotten you? When you left, I was surrounded by family and…

Filed Under: Newly Widowed, Widowed, Widowed & Unmarried, Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed Tagged With: LGBQT Widowed, forgetting him, unmarried widow, newly widowed, family, friends, bryan martin, frustration

The White Rabbit

July 28, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

Alarm goes off and it hurts to get out of bed. I was asleep by 10 pm last night and it’s 5am now. That’s 7 hours! 7!! Why am I exhausted? Up I go and into the bathroom. Brush my teeth, get dressed, take meds, get yelled at for food by the cat, walk the dog, pack my lunch, rush to eat breakfast, gym for 1 hour, catch up on texts, emails and…

Filed Under: Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed Tagged With: Stress, LGBQT Widowed, exhaustion, Obligations, Responsibilities, widowed missing him, bryan martin

The Loudest Sound is Sometimes No Sound at All

July 21, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

So if you read my last blog, I was pretty stressed last week waiting for blood results and I’m happy to say everything is fine so I guess my stomach issues were really emotionally based. I do want to take a moment to thank everyone who has read my blog and the kind comments. I haven’t commented which has struck me by surprise since I am…

Filed Under: LGBTQ+ Widowed, Miscellaneous Tagged With: silence, Calming, peace and quiet, bryan martin, LGBQT Widowed, health, busy

Sympathy Pains

July 14, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

I’m sitting in the waiting room at the doctor’s office. About a week ago I started having stomach pain and strong exhaustion. I, uncharacteristically, do not have an appetite and I have lost 10 lbs in less than two weeks. At first I thought it was something I ate. A few days passed and I thought it was probably just a stomach bug. After a week…

Filed Under: LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous Tagged With: bryan martin, widowed by illness, LGBQT Widowed, health, illness while widowed, panic

History Repeats Itself All Too Often Too Soon

July 7, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

Since losing Tin, I look to each new week as a new horizon that will bring brighter days. This is my fourth post and I thought, maybe by now, my blog would have small sparks of settlement in the chaos. I guess it is good to hope but bad to assume. A very fine line that I often fail to recognize these days. I’ll keep the faith that those brighter…

Filed Under: Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed Tagged With: approaching anniversary, 4th of july, goodbyes, widowed depression, widowed sadness, ashes, bryan martin, widowed loneliness, anniversary, LGBQT Widowed

The Wax and the Wayne

June 30, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

Another week past and overall things have been even keel. However the dreaded dates pile one on top of another. July 15th is Tin’s first birthday. July 4th is Tin’s and my anniversary and today, June 29th, 2018 is the first anniversary of my father Wayne’s passing. I know this writing is not based mainly on my lost partner Tin but it has a…

Filed Under: Widowed Anniversaries, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Multiple Losses Tagged With: widowhood and guilt, LGBQT Widowed, guilt, widowed death anniversay, widowed sadness, multiple losses, bryan martin

An Unexpected Return Home

June 23, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

Well I made it. I made it through the first wedding since Tin passed only two months ago and it was followed by the next day being the first Father’s Day without my father. There were times I couldn’t hold back the tears and times I couldn’t catch my breath. I felt like a stranded fish. How ironic to be a crying stranded fish that needs salt…

Filed Under: Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous Tagged With: bryan martin, Home, weddings, LGBQT Widowed, widowed and weddings, loved one's ashes, illness, secondary losses, anxiety, returning home, ashes, worry

Navigating My New Normal

June 16, 2018 by Bryan Martin Leave a Comment

It’s been 7 shorts weeks since I lost my Partner of 4 yrs. – Clayton, or as my family calls him “Tin”.  Right now I am sitting, ironically, at the Atlanta airport on a layover to go home to Boston for my cousin’s wedding. Tin and I met in Atlanta and left the city to move to the beach, get married and make a life. Everyone has been…

Filed Under: Widowed, Newly Widowed, Widowed Anniversaries, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Miscellaneous Tagged With: newly widowed, bryan martin, Wedding, LGBQT Widowed, death anniversary, widowed attending wedding

Open Wound

December 18, 2011 by Daniel and Abel Cano-Saenz Leave a Comment

I wish I could report days of happiness and joy. But I can’t. I feel like I am walking around with an open wound. It’s been like this throughout the whole holiday season. This year feels worse than the past two years. Why am I crying so much? I suppose I can answer my own question. Michael loved Christmas. He loved Christmas not because he had so…

Filed Under: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Holidays, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: widower, widowed by cancer, widowed dad, widowed holidays, LGBQT Widowed, dan cano-saenz

Hands

December 11, 2011 by Daniel and Abel Cano-Saenz Leave a Comment

A simple photo opportunity. A day in the sun. A day with the one I love.  Our hands. Proof that he is here for me. Proof that he exists here in my life. Proof that he offers his hand to me.  I sit here looking at this innocent photo that I took today.  My hand on his. His hand at ease. His hand already used to mine finding its way over to his. …

Filed Under: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and New Love, LGBTQ+ Widowed, Widowed by Illness Tagged With: dan cano-saenz, widower, widowed by cancer, widowed parenting, widowed dad, LGBQT Widowed, new love for widowed

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