For many years, I chose to exist safely.  I needed to pause and reestablish my footing.  And, thankfully, I did outgrow the comfort of the limitations I have created for myself.  But, I will never forget those early days of grief.  I was so unhinged because of his death that I couldn’t manage much more than limping through the day.  But, as time has progressed, I understand that this was staggering was necessary.  I  had to experience the process of faltering and coming undone, in order to move forward.  I now understand that I needed my toes to touch the bottom before I could re-surface.  That was part of the process.  It was unavoidable.

I know that, eventually, I will find the momentum to get me to where I need to be.  I’ve come a long way these last 3.5 years and I don’t want to undersell my success.  I see what I’ve accomplished without him; and more importantly I feel it.  I like the woman I’m becoming.  And, he’d like her too.  

I have always had grit.  And, if I ever doubt my capability, I remind myself that once upon a time I was his.  And, he loved me because I was solid.  There is nothing hollow about me.