Remember that old song 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover? A song that carries a very different meaning from when your Lover leaves you at the end of his/her life. I’m thinking of all the goodbyes I’ve said in my life, and how none of them were easy in any way. Goodbyes aren’t meant to […]
Widowed Emotions
Re-enter, Re-emerge, Re-cover, Re-silient, Re-be, Re-re
Photo by Tolka Ulkan on Unsplash Today is a stay-in-bed-day I am feeling weepy I am feeling bereft I am missing my old life I am missing my dead loves I am missing my alive loves The dog and cat were with me for a while but even they got bored and left It’s all […]
Homeless
I have been homeless since April 27th when I moved from my house. I should feel out of sorts and unsettled; but, really, I don’t feel much different than usual. I guess over the last 4.5 years I have become used to living in a constant state of restlessness and uncertainty. Moving usually causes people to feel stressed; but, for me, the opposite has occurred. I feel calmer since I left my house. This whole process has really been a lot less anxiety provoking and emotional than I anticipated it would be.
The Tangled Widowed Web
This week hit hard in a way I never expected. My Instagram account was hacked and a social media storm ensued. I started to get notifications from Instagram and friends that something was strange. I was completely locked out with no options to change my password and get stuff back. The hacker started to email […]
This Terrain of Absence~
Life in the after is strange and weird and ill-fitting . What once was no longer is. Our physical world changes as intensely as our emotional world after our person dies. Even if our surroundings are the same, there is a person missing from those surroundings. The chair where our person sat. The table where […]
Option B(e) – Take 2
When I finally chose to breathe life back into myself I recognized that I had the power, potential and capability to “BE” whoever I wanted. And, realizing this has made all the difference for me.
The beauty of rebuilding our broken selves is that we can BE who we want to become.
And, this is big, powerful stuff.
He should be here…
My parents are moving this coming weekend and it’s brought up some grief thoughts (of course!). I have been thinking about how Boris will never know their new house. But, then I realized that he never knew their current one either. They have only been in it for two years. But, it feels like he […]
Heartbreak Hangover
Last week took me on an exhausting emotional tour. The week before being widowed hits me harder than any single memory or special day. The emotional stress is heightened to such a level that when it starts to subside, I can physically feel the effects – Tired from lack of sleep, disturbed by nightmares, sore […]
An Odyssey of Love~
Once upon a time… A man stole my heart Right out of my chest. It’s ok that he stole it, Because he gave me his in return. He held my heart so carefully with his two hands. This man, dressed in the uniform of the US Air Force, Pledged to Love me, cherish me, honor […]
Alchemising Impermanence
Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash Sometime around the age of 5, children learn that things and people die. Of course, some very young kids learn this earlier, through the tragedy of a close human death in their immediate entourage – be it the death of a sibling, parent or grandparent. But for the most […]
Sometimes it hits you in the middle of Target.
Grief can be so predictable at times. Birthdays, anniversaries, visiting a special place, milestones, or reading an old card–I can prepare for those. I know those will be tough. Sometimes more than I expected and sometimes less. But, grief has a way of sneaking up on me at times and in places where I did […]
The Grief Tour
This week, my week before widowed, I took a trip off the main path of my journey and doubled back to the places I saw you last. My head said “yes” but my heart said “no don’t go”. It’s been 1,098 days since I could actually touch you, hear you and see you in person. […]