Earlier this week I made the trip from my home in Kona, once again, to my parents’ house in Virginia. I am grateful for the reprieve back on the island, where I was able to attend my stepdaughter’s wedding, visit with friends, my boyfriend, and find some rest. Now, I am in Charleston, SC with my mom. We planned this trip to see whether this area is…
young widow
Home Is Not a House
I’ve lived in lots of places in my life so far. I was born in Maryland and raised in Arlington, Virginia until I was 6, at which time we moved to nearby McLean. I attended Georgetown University in Washington, DC and lived on campus there, moving each year, in the dorms and residential housing. After college I moved back in with my parents, and then…
Precious Gifts
One of the most precious gifts from my marriage to Mike is that I have, for the rest of my life, two beautiful stepdaughters. They were grown when I married him, but still very young, 18 and 22. Now, one is mother to three beautiful children and the other just got married this past weekend here in Kona. Let me tell you – I am deeply grateful I was…
The Same Changing Tides
How many times can I write of the same pain? The same silent cries and the screams without sound. The aches I allow no one to witness and the angry and afraid version of myself no one would believe really exists. It’s a perspective I wish the world knew and a reality no one should have to live with. Choosing to show friends, only the side of…
One Month Till One Year
One month till one year, it’s difficult to find the words. Disbelief sums it up well. Disbelief that only one year ago we were living out our dreams together, both so insanely happy and in love. Never could I have imagined our happiness was just a mere month from being ripped away. Its eleven months today. On this day last year he was at work and…
D-Day
For any new readers, this is a continuation of my current situation which involves being back in Virginia, where I grew up, from my home of 15 years in Kona, Hawaii, where I lived with my beautiful late husband until his death in 2013 and further into my strange new world without him with a new boyfriend and my dogs, until the foreclosure is…
Ticking Clock
I vividly remember logging onto Facebook and staring at his messenger icon hoping he would come online. That it was all a misunderstanding and it wasn’t real. Last active… The hours ticked over into days, then into weeks. Now it has almost been 11 months. Remembering it as though it were yesterday. Today I still feel the longing, waiting and…
What Matters In The End
Most of you who have been reading here for awhile know how my husband died. Mike had a heart attack in his sleep at age 59. It was the most devastating shock I’ve ever lived through and I will spend the rest of my life recovering from it. The pain of that grief, I know now, will always be there.But you readers also know, if you have been following,…
Transition
I’m sitting here in my parent’s beautiful backyard on this kind of surprisingly balmy early fall evening in Virginia wondering what on earth I can say about what’s going on in my life right now. How can I describe the agony of change and decision and helplessness while keeping private things private? How can I honestly tell my dear fellow widows…
The Strongest I have Been
The day began with tears. Its brutally unfair were my thoughts. He should be here! Where is he? My stomach in tight knots I felt physically ill. He would have been 30. The day was spent with family. Reminiscing and sharing stories. Keeping busy, we laughed, we ate, and we supported each other. Sending balloons up into the clouds the physically sick…
Rapid Fire
I’m not sure how long I will be able to continue to write here at Widow’s Voice. It breaks my heart to think that, and to write that, but various things are moving at a seriously rapid pace and I can barely keep up. I hired an attorney to walk me through the foreclosure. And I’ve already purged a lot of my stuff so hopefully that process…
Day Of Birth
Day of birth. A day to celebrate life, at least it use to be. The person I was prior to grief made a big fuss over birthdays. Now I only wish I could fast forward past the day all together. Escape the impending date somehow. He would have turned 30. I would have thrown a surprise party, filling our home with orange helium balloons, but more than…