I’m not sure how long I will be able to continue to write here at Widow’s Voice. It breaks my heart to think that, and to write that, but various things are moving at a seriously rapid pace and I can barely keep up.

 

I hired an attorney to walk me through the foreclosure. And I’ve already purged a lot of my stuff so hopefully that process won’t be too difficult. In a few weeks my boyfriend and I will start the serious search for a place that welcomes dogs and plan that move accordingly. But I will need to be here in Kona to help with that.

 

What’s happening with my parents right now is taking center stage. They are in Virginia and you can’t get any farther away in these United States. When I visited them this summer we talked about future plans but in the last couple weeks – even days – things have declined extremely rapidly. The time we thought we had is no longer there. My brother is with them right now helping, thank goodness, but he has his own issues…bottom line I may need to go out there and help. Like now.

 

What that means for my new job I don’t know yet. But it may need to be sacrificed. My school I can do from anywhere.

 

I broke down yesterday in a way I haven’t done in a long time. Sobbing…and for so many reasons I couldn’t even keep track. Missing Mike. Missing my parents and my heartbreak for what they are going through. Heartbreak for my brother and his issues. And heartbreak at the thought of leaving my boyfriend and my dogs, and losing this house with so many memories.

 

I’ve been talking about moving back to the mainland for awhile. But now it looks like that will happen much sooner than I originally anticipated. There’s just no way around it. 

 

My elderly dog will not be able to travel. I know that about her. She is a sensitive spirit, sweet and loving, despite being a pit bull, that falsely maligned breed, and has never been alone. She’s had a pack, of whatever combination of furry and human, her entire life…one time I tried to take my smaller, younger dog for a walk and left the big one at home. Down the block I heard a howling and realized it was her. So being on a plane, alone, that scary place, for any length of time, especially the long trip back east…no way. And she needs the smaller dog for company when we leave the house. 

 

My musician boyfriend has a successful career here right now. I can’t ask him to leave…he really can’t right now. I realize this, he realizes this…we are just at an impossible place.

 

That’s it for this week. All I can do is update my world again in seven days. And by then, it will most likely have rapidly changed yet again. And all I can do is walk through that fire.