I’ve been on the road for two weeks now with my daughter in this continuing Odyssey of Love. Not necessarily by plan but happening nonetheless, we’re traveling the same roads my husband and I drove in our first year out on the road. Not by plan only because all we know is that we’re headed north to Washington state, where we’ll turn East and…
young widow
Mysterious Waters
I spent a day unearthing minute details of Dave’s death the other day. Not because I wanted to, but because I had to. The manner in which his death was hastened has a lot to do with the care he had and that has led to an investigation of sorts. It came to a head last week and I felt the physical blow which accompanies the rehashing of the day he…
Fitting Two Worlds Together
“It’s a new dawn It’s a new day It’s a new life For me And I’m feeling good” Don’t we ALL wish it was that simple?? Since coming home from my trip to Hawaii a few weeks ago, things have been rough. I wrote a post here trying to glean some of the positives from everything as of late – but really what I think I need to talk about is how freaking…
It’s Just Not Fair
I was driving home from work recently, singing along to the radio in my own little world, when I passed a car the exact same model and colour as my husband’s. Next thing I knew I was instantly transported back to That Day. The last time I saw my husband, 11 months ago, was around 8am as he kissed me goodbye and left for work. But he didn’t go to…
Three
I am just a couple short weeks away from the 3 year mark of my husband Don’s sudden death. I feel like I can’t even type that sentence without breathing differently. 3 years. Three. Years. I have no idea how it is even possible. I have no idea how those words could apply to me. I have no idea …. July 13th will be the 3-year mark. On the first…
So, What Do You Do?
I hate that question. But it’s always going to be there, isn’t it? When you meet people, it’s one of the standard getting-to-know-you questions and you just can’t avoid it. I guess if I had a “normal” career it would be easy to sidestep the “I’m widowed” answer, which I’ll admit, I used a lot in the beginning after Mike died. I didn’t really…
Homeward Run
I’ll keep on the theme Soaring Spirits Loss Foundation has run on their facebook page for International Widows Day – what I’ve achieved since Ian died. Well, working on achieving. One of the big changes I made was to go back to school. I knew my job would end about 12 months after Ian died, and I opted to work towards a change in…
Live Large
I have so much now in my second chance. I’m forever scarred and forever missing someone I expected to be with until I died, but I get to live on for some reason and I’m doing it well. I’ve been lucky in some instances but in most, I’ve worked hard to be where I am now. I have a lot. I’m in a healthy, loving relationship. I have a beautiful home,…
The Battle
Do not be fooled by the lightness you see in me – The cool easy smile across my face. I would like to kill this silence to death. This silence in me where once stood the man of my soul. A silence louder than all the rest. Do not be fooled for a moment – For where you see my eyes shine with being You see a moment in time that I am…
I Miss You
Sometimes the English language feels so inadequate. I can’t count the number of times I’ve said ‘I miss him’ in the past 11 months since my husband passed away. But each time I say it, I find myself thinking that these three words just aren’t enough to fully capture the ache that is tearing at my body, mind and soul. ‘I miss…
What Was My Point?
I am the Friday writer here at Widow’s Voice. That means, that every single Friday, a blog post written by me goes up. Technically, I write the post late Thursday night, so as to have it finished by the deadline of midnight West Coast time, which is 3 a.m. my time. So, you would think that because I have been writing in here for quite awhile now,…
Chop wood. Carry water.
There is a saying in Zen: Before Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After Mike died I couldn’t function coherently at all for about a week. I couldn’t focus on the basic necessities of cooking, cleaning, errands…even driving. I really could not drive…