I have known for a while I suffer from widow brain. Can’t find my keys, barely remember what day it is or what my name is. I have looked for my car keys for twenty minutes only to find they were in my hand.. the whole time. I have to set reminders in my phone from things like taking my sleeping pill to grab my lunch out of the fridge before…
widow brain
Wow, What a Widow Brain
I had intended to write about the crappiness of turning 40 over the weekend as a widow. How much I wish Ian was here to mark this milestone, and because he’s not, I had no real desire to celebrate or really mark the occasion. But have friends insisting that I do so (so compromised with a very expensive dinner for a small group of friends). But then…
What now?
My brain is still more disorganized than it was before Dave died. I marvel in an almost morbid way, at the dementia-like symptoms I still exhibit. They’d be funny if they weren’t so embarrassing and worrisome. I wish I could laugh them off but I feel shame about them. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like I’m in a state of mild…
What Was My Point?
I am the Friday writer here at Widow’s Voice. That means, that every single Friday, a blog post written by me goes up. Technically, I write the post late Thursday night, so as to have it finished by the deadline of midnight West Coast time, which is 3 a.m. my time. So, you would think that because I have been writing in here for quite awhile now,…
Chop wood. Carry water.
There is a saying in Zen: Before Enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment, chop wood, carry water. After Mike died I couldn’t function coherently at all for about a week. I couldn’t focus on the basic necessities of cooking, cleaning, errands…even driving. I really could not drive…
Questions?
Where is…?Who put that there…?When…?Why is……the bottle of brown sauce in the crockery cupboard?Did I put it there… or did John? I don’t remember doing that… but I don’t remember seeing John in the kitchen while I was cooking dinner, either. It must have been me that put the sauce in there, but have no recollection what so ever…
Scary
Everything is so damn scary for me these days. Just speaking up and saying what I think feels like too much of a risk. It’s as though my confidence died with Dave. I know I’m courageous only because I can see now that I acted many times since Dave died despite nearly crippling fear. But I don’t feel courageous. I feel so scared that I want to curl…
New Brain
I love memoirs. I read a memoir a week, I’d estimate. The last one I read was not one of my favorites in regard to writing style, but it was about a woman who’d had an aneurysm and her subsequent healing. In the book, she lists the mental symptoms she and other aneurysm patients often struggle with. As I read the list, I realized with a shock…
Could This Be ‘Widda Brain’?
…. or am I just a moron?I’d like to think it’s Widda Brain.But how long can I claim that?I mean, my life is forever changed because I’ve been widowed …. it will never be the same. Ever.So …. I should be able to claim “incapacitation due to Widda Brain”.It should be an accepted medical term.I wonder if it’s an accepted mental health…
It Seems That I Am Overqualified
… to grieve in the same way as most widows. According to certain people. (Surprisingly enough, I wrote this post before I read Amanda’s post from yesterday. It seems we know some of the same people! 🙂 This can be a touchy subject, so be prepared to feel “touchy”.It’s about money.Or the lack thereof. Someone who reads my personal blog…
A Widow’s Brain….
Dear Wonderful Widows! When Anneke was eight, a year after Mike died, I dropped her off at her Tae Kwon Do lesson and I was so relieved to have time alone that I forgot to pick her up. Forty-five minutes later as I unpacked the groceries she walked in the house having gotten a ride home from her instructor. She was incredulous and outraged. “You…