As you all know, Cassie felt that it was time for her to share her writing spot with another widowed writer. I want to begin this post by thanking Cassie for her years of dedication to Widow’s Voice. She has changed so many lives on Monday after Monday after Monday…mine included. Thank you so much for sharing your heart with us Cassie! Also, we…
widow blogger
Thank you
This will be my last blog post. Michele will pick up Mondays until she can find a replacement for me. I’m not sure exactly how I know I’m done writing here. Your comments and the knowledge that I’m connecting with others is still healing for me. Even though it is more challenging now, I can still think of things to write about. So, struggling for…
Dark Companion
I am suffering from a bout of depression. I’ve learned from experience that they can often come on when I get overwhelmed. I should know this by now and guard like hell against getting to this point, but I was convinced I was ready to take anything on. I was feeling so good. And then, several life events converged and now, all at once, big things…
Constant Companion
I was listening to a Moth podcast tonight in which a funeral home director talked about his long history of burying people’s loved ones. He said he believed that when we die, we go home. I thought that sounded so beautiful and comforting. I wonder, when I die, what Dave would think of me when I came home? What would that reunion be like? Would it…
Seeking peace
I’ve been thinking about the loss of my mother a lot lately. She died in August, so no wonder. This time of year, her absence is particularly palpable. She’s been gone 33 years and I’ve never gotten over her death. I don’t feel at peace about it. I feel a missing part, a vacuum where she should be. I rail at the universe for a life without her. I’m…
Time Piece
I never forget that I’m a widow. I never forget that my husband is dead forever. I never forget my reality. But … There are times. Moments. Feelings. There is being with my family, staying at my parent’s house, like this weekend, and getting lost inside of something that is beyond my widowhood – something that sees far past my life without my…
A Momentary Lapse
I said to my stepdaughter yesterday after another conversation about some of the fallout in our lives since her Dad died, wow, we’ve learned so much about grief. It’s not something we asked for, but now we understand things like what to say and what not to say to people in mourning. And we can relate to other people who are experiencing loss, with…
I Never Dream
I never dream about Dave. This doesn’t make sense to me. He was the most important person in my life for 15 years. We were so close and we spent so much time together. Where is he in my dreams? I dream of people who’ve barely been in my life at all instead. I have stress dreams about teaching like I used to have every late summer as fall…
Party of One
I go to a lot of places alone. I have never had a problem with spending time alone, even before my husband died. I moved out of small town Massachusetts when I was 18 years old, to NYC, to go to Theatre school and pursue a career in acting and comedy. After having roommates for years on end, I lived by myself for 4 years in an apartment in New…
Stormy Weather
Don’t know why there’s no sun up in the sky Stormy weather Since my man and I ain’t together, Keeps rainin’ all the time – Stormy Weather, Billie Holliday As I type this, not one, but two hurricanes are barreling their way towards the Big Island of Hawaii, where I live. Honestly, I really just found out about all of this on Tuesday. Since Mike…
What now?
My brain is still more disorganized than it was before Dave died. I marvel in an almost morbid way, at the dementia-like symptoms I still exhibit. They’d be funny if they weren’t so embarrassing and worrisome. I wish I could laugh them off but I feel shame about them. I feel like there’s something wrong with me. I feel like I’m in a state of mild…
Boomerang
I feel honored to be a part of this special writer’s club that gets to speak and type my voice on this blog. I really do. I am one of seven voices, and that feels really nice, that people would even be interested in hearing or reading what I have to say. But sometimes, Sometimes I feel as if I am typing into a great big void of nothingness.