So it’s been 7 years since my beautiful husband left for work one morning, and never came home. Seven years since his shocking and sudden death. Seven years of living this life in the “after” of painful and life-changing loss. It’s a long time, and it isn’t. It’s forever, and it’s also ten seconds. In all of this time living with the death of my…
kelley lynn
A Normal Day
Sometimes, I long for a normal day. I no longer have normal days. I no longer have what most people would consider to be a normal day. Today, I woke up, and went to my 2x per week physical therapy appointment for my arthritis and bone spurs in my neck, resulting from hours and weeks and months and years of sitting and typing furiously, this…
Weightless
I just returned from my 500 billionth Camp Widow. Okay, I’m exagerating, but not by much. Besides, I lost count long ago on how many times I have been honored to be a presenter at this amazing healing place called Camp Widow. July 13th was the 7-year mark of Don’s death. Camp Widow began on July 13th. Friday the 13th. Nothing incredibly weird…
Fire and Rain and Huge Grief Triggers
So last month, June 14th, was my one-year anniversary with Nick, my new love. My new beginning. My “next great love story.” I never know how to refer to us, but thats another post for another time. I dont like the term “chapter two”, because he deserves way more than a chapter, as did my dead husband Don. But back to the point ……. I just…
Your Story is Worth Telling
If there’s something powerful about telling your own stories, there is something equally profound in hearing someone else tell your story to others. For centuries, we have been telling stories. Well before we could write, the most important and valuable knowledge we had as humans was passed down through stories and spoken word. And although our…
You Find What Works
So, today, December 18th, is the 10 year anniversary of my husband Don asking me to marry him, on a 23 degree windy Sunday evening, exactly one week before Christmas. Knowing my obsession with the Christmas holiday and the the entire season, he took me to the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree, got down on one knee in front of hundreds of total…
Falling
I feel like I’m falling. It’s been a weird couple of weeks. Most of you who read this know that Im a comedian, writer, actor. I have a YouTube channel and I do lots of silly, funny, comedy videos. One of those videos that I did back in 2010 is called “Oh! I’ve McFallen!” and it features me trying to order the McLobster at McDonalds (something…
Not 51
Today, my dear and sweet husband, you are not 51. Today is your birthday. You are not here. You cant eat cake or blow out candles or makes jokes about getting older and how time flies. You can’t go and see the new “Peanuts” movie with me, our favorite, which comes out today, on your birthday. We can’t joke around about how you will always…
Disappearing
I’m in a state of panic. This happens now and again – one of the frightening realities of sudden and shocking death. Sometimes a few weeks or months will go by with me able to escape the panic and anxiety. Then, just like that, something happens – or doesn’t – and I am shaking back and forth and my skin is on fire and I’m pacing the floors of my…
Always and Never
Today is one of those days that I have no idea what to write about. Not because I have nothing left to say about my husband or us or my grief. That isn’t ever the reason. No. It’s because sometimes, there are literally no words that exist , to properly explain the depths to which I miss him. Sometimes, I just get tired of saying “I miss him.” It…
The Road to Forgiveness
The face of grief is always changing. Grief never ends – it just shifts and changes, over and over and over again. The past few months, my grief tsunami has turned into something very different than ever before. I almost want to call it “profound”, but that sounds too pompous. I do feel as if this past year or so, I have been able to dig deeper…
Over It
After a long day at work yesterday, teaching Theatre and Comedy courses at the University I work at and have worked at for 15 years, I came home to find out about the awful, horrific shooting at Oregon’s Umpqua College. I had sat down and put my TV on in order to feel relaxed after a tiring day, and instead, I found myself feeling once again…