The thing about a grief journey is that it’s never over. Every step you take onward and upward holds an emotional echo. Some days it’s constantly ringing in your ear and other times it a distant whisper at the bottom of a staircase. Either way you still keep climbing to find the next landing. A […]
Widowed Milestones
Shamrock Reflections
When you pick your wedding date, you never imagine that day could one day bring heartache. All the focus is on the celebration and the happy life you are building together. It never even crosses your mind that one of you could be left standing alone. Tony and I would have been married 15 years […]
Reflection that Resonates: PEP in My Steps Forward
This is the 169th widowed blog I’ve written. In 28 days, it will be the fifth anniversary of Clayton’s death. I have been widowed longer than I was in high school or college. If that’s the case, did I float through my Grief grades or have I been applying myself to Life’s lessons? The only […]
Grains of Grief
Grains of Grief “I’m too young for this loss. This isn’t the way it was supposed to happen. It’s all going so fast. How has so much of my life been chipped away from me so soon? We were supposed to have more of our lives together.” Those who lack loss walk through life unable […]
Grief’s Gaslighting Guilt
“Why was I the one to live and not him?” “Did I do enough when he was sick?” “But if only I had done more then maybe, just maybe, he’d still be alive.” These are all statement I have said to myself about Clayton’s death. These are all statements that I have heard other widowed […]
The Mysterious Remnant of Fire . . .
. . . ASHES. . . and something more. What an odd circumstance when, after my father died and was cremated, that no one seemed to know where his ashes were located! A family member, wanting to keep them away from another family member, gave them to a friend of my dad’s who was said […]
The Grief Guard
Terrible things happen to people every single day but not everyone experiences terrible things. Some get to float through life without fear, loss or a bigger view of the world. Lucky maybe? However, true gratitude often comes from true grief. There’s a mindset now that any inconvenience is a huge struggle and so many are […]
Stains of the Heart
There have been moments this week where I’ve caught myself thinking more and more about the loss of my dad and Clayton. I had a friend from work pass away after being in the hospital. All I could think about was what his surviving wife was going through. Another coworker sadly lost his mother and […]
Sharing A Smile
I miss his smile. It was a gift he had share with me to hold in my memories. It’s been almost four years since I saw him smile in person. Sometimes I forget to remember those moments because he was so sick near the end that he didn’t have the energy to smile. It wouldn’t […]
WHAT IF . . .
. . . we keep telling our love stories? There is a beauty in love stories. We see it in rom-com’s like When Harry Met Sally. We see it in Marvel Films like WandaVision. Heck! we even see it in the nature stories of whale families and how they care for each other! Love, in […]
The Grief Graduate
It’s been almost 4 years since Clayton died. I was struck by that fact this week. I’ve been without him for as long as I was in high school. The biggest difference is that my schooling in sadness occurred much faster than K-12. Year 1 felt like being a scared kid starting up class in […]
Year Two Times Two
Sometimes I’m not sure what to write each week. When that happens (because it’s normal to not have a topic), I take it that the Universe wants me to just look back and see where I am verses where I was. So I decided to look back at the last blog I wrote two years […]