I’m happy to say that yesterday my boyfriend Devin and I got engaged! Yesterday I reached a new place in life that I have never been too before. Clayton and I never had the opportunity to get to this point. This weekend I am celebrating where my life has lead me, and the love that […]
Widowed Milestones
Delegating, Abdicating, Collaborating, Co-Creating?
Photo of Julia’s Stones my own My next ten days are packed (packed for me, anyway). Quite a bit of work in the coming days. A dinner out with new-to-me-friends of Medjool’s. Some travel to England and then on to Scotland. (My first trip to the UK since before the world shut down in […]
The Return of the King
Sometimes I want to look back a couple of years and reflect on where I was to help me see just how much I’ve grown. Day to day can sometimes feel like there’s no forward momentum but looking back over months and years shows me I’ve traveled many miles. I had my crown stripped and […]
Year Two: Taking Stock
DEFINITION OF “TAKING STOCK” : to carefully think about something in order to make a decision about what to do next 1) We need to take stock of our life now and again. 2) She took stock of her life as she passed the 2-year mark of widowhood. KN Definition & Meaning with Merriam-Webster Today […]
Standing at the Doorstep
Of Liminal Space In that liminal space, between what we know and what we can’t imagine, we are remade. –ludwig.guru Standing in front of a closed door reminds me of mystery. What is behind the door? Who might be on the other side of the door? What does the door open into….a large open room? […]
What You Should Know – revisited
Main image by Aron Visuals on Unsplash Italicised Section from Megan Devine: I was talking the other day about the realities of the second and third years of grief. We have this erroneous (and stupid) cultural idea that grief will be over, or at least appreciably better, by the end of the first year. Eighteen […]
No Straight Lines Here
Four hundred and eight days after Tony died, we finally mowed the lawn ourselves. With Memorial Day last weekend, we were out of town as were my neighbors who’ve been mowing our grass for us. Last summer, I didn’t even pretend like I wanted us to take that task on. I didn’t pull the mower […]
The Potential of the Infinite Empty
Each of us has a unique journey. Sometimes it can feel infinitely hard, sometimes infinitely lonely but I have found that the infinite space isn’t showing us how empty our lives are, it’s showing us we have the gift to fill our universe indefinitely. I came to this understanding through a lot of self-reflection and […]
The Introvert in Grief
An Underground River of Loneliness A yellow phone similar to this one – the wall version – hung in my kitchen for more than twenty years. In the age of invention, the wall model could be fitted with an extra long cord that stretched through the doorway allowing dish washing, eyes on kids, and baby […]
Fun in Funeral?
I booked the flight for Clayton’s funeral last night. It’s bothering me because a funeral isn’t supposed to be 4 years after someone passes. The celebration of life we had originally planned was put on pause and so has a lot of my growing through grief. Searching for flights and making travel arrangements didn’t cause […]
Summer Solstice
Summer solstice. Winter solstice. The longest and shortest days of the year in the northern hemisphere. When I imagine the four seasons, I often will envision the face of a round clock, Summer representing the number twelve and Winter representing its opposite number, six. June and December. Six and twelve on […]
Widowed Reading
As an adult, I have always been an avid reader. I started a book club in 2012 that met monthly for a solid 7 years. My friends would tease me that any books they picked I’d already read. This was always fine with me. I could still talk about the book they chose, and it […]