Main image by Angello Pro on Unsplash Today is not only Easter Day. It’s also our lovely Megan’s 21st birthday. Her sixth birthday without her father. Her 16th birthday was just nine days after her dad died. Finding a date for Mike’s funeral in 2017 was so very hard. There is a “minimum” time required […]
Widowed Emotions
These Soft and Coarse Sands of Time
The course of time is told by the passing of both soft and coarse sands. Some experiences feel gentle and powder fine while others sting and erode me in these whipping widowed winds. Five. How is it already five years since you’ve been gone? How is it that I didn’t know if I’d make it […]
Grief and Karaoke
Going through grief is like singing karaoke in a bar. I know, you’re probably thinking this is ridiculous. Admittedly, I had this idea after a few vodka tonics, but I want to play this out. Saturday night our elementary school hosted an adult only trivia night. Afterwards, a large group of parents decided to go […]
Just a pile of ash
The conversation of letting Clayton’s ashes go came up last week. His uncle was going to drive them up to where Clayton asked to be buried. So after 5 years I handed him over. I had lots of messages of support and messages suggesting ways I could keep some of Clayton’s ashes to hold on […]
Invisible Grief Analysis in the Cinema
Image by Kyle Head on Unsplash One of the independent cinemas I go to has a wonderful range of premieres, at which any combination of the film director, producer, key actors, etc, are present afterwards for reflection and discussion. I love it. The two people from the cinema who manage the process are articulate, witty, […]
The Final Passing
This week has been full of up and down moments. Life always throws change at you but fast change from a high moment to a low moment and back really takes a toll on you. I certainly need to rest the next couple of days. Not just sleep but rest so I can think, feel […]
Homesickness
Main image by Rowan Heuvel on Unsplash In English, when we miss our homeland, we say, “I feel homesick”. In French, when we miss our homeland, we say, “J’ai le mal du pays”. Close enough, but not quite the same. Taken literally, the English version seems just to be about missing one’s “home” (parents, family, […]
Back in the Office
I went back into my office this week for a meeting and to work for a few hours. It was the first time I have been in the building to do actual work since March 12, 2020. In early 2021, I did go in to pack up my little cube so they could shift me […]
Another STep Upwards on this Grief Grise
The thing about a grief journey is that it’s never over. Every step you take onward and upward holds an emotional echo. Some days it’s constantly ringing in your ear and other times it a distant whisper at the bottom of a staircase. Either way you still keep climbing to find the next landing. A […]
The Miracle of Quality Listening Image by Sammy Williams on Unsplash COVID restrictions are falling away, even in France, which means that I am going out a bit more. This week I had four sorties mid-week – a wine-bar near my home, a premiere at the cinema with Medjool and his daughters, a goodish walk […]
Shamrock Reflections
When you pick your wedding date, you never imagine that day could one day bring heartache. All the focus is on the celebration and the happy life you are building together. It never even crosses your mind that one of you could be left standing alone. Tony and I would have been married 15 years […]
Reflection that Resonates: PEP in My Steps Forward
This is the 169th widowed blog I’ve written. In 28 days, it will be the fifth anniversary of Clayton’s death. I have been widowed longer than I was in high school or college. If that’s the case, did I float through my Grief grades or have I been applying myself to Life’s lessons? The only […]