Funny how different losses can create such different kinds of struggles for us. How different versions of loss can confuse us and blindside us in unexpected ways… even when we have dealt with loss before. I feel like I came home from our recent trip to Texas changed. In a good way. I feel like there were a lot of things that were rearranged…
Widowed Effect on Family/Friends
On the Bright Side
For some reason, I always feel that this blog should be sad and grief-driven. But, today I just feel AMAZING! It would have been our 10th anniversary last week, and yes, it was hard, I mean really hard. However, it wasn’t nearly as hard as in the past. Partly why I feel so good is that I used my heavy bag for 30…
A Widow, A Mother, and A Wedding Dress
I’ve been in Texas on vacation for a few weeks, hence my absence here. I have however been waiting to share something very special that happened while we were down there. If you’re new here, I lost my fiance Drew 7 years ago in a crash. I am now engaged to a widower, Mike, and we have this new little blended family together with his daughter…
Generations of ‘Love’
No one tells you, or really talks about how boring parenting can be. Everyone loves to talk about all the fun stuff kids do. It’s easy to talk about the fiery, youthful enthusiasm that makes them entertaining. It’s fun to talk about children being silly and pretending to be animals. There is nothing cuter than watching a 6-year-old hop…
Hola Amigo
Hey man, Well, it’s that time of year again. I’m here in Texas, with Sarah and Shelby, to celebrate you. This is what, year…five for me? That seems crazy. We went to your grave today, and it’s I guess looking good as ever. The little heart shaped rocks, the trinkets…the helicopters; they’re all still there. Your mom had some…
When Things are Hard …
Things are hard. Life is hard. Sometimes I am convinced that life is much harder for some than for others. Sometimes it feels like I can never get a break. Sometimes it feels like I will always struggle and things will always be really hard, and that is just how my life will be. I dont know. None of this is fact. Just feelings. …
Hiking Ahead
Shelby has now, quite literally, walked in her mother’s shoes. It’s odd to me that, at the age of 12, she actually fits in them, but then again, she isn’t stricken with the growth-impeding disease the Megan had. After buying her new hiking shoes and boots for years, we decided to have her try on Megan’s last pair. They fit her almost…
“Me Too”
I’ve felt abnormal my whole life. Ever since I became aware of how my own childhood with a single father who was an alcoholic was far different from the seemingly idyllic 2 parent households of all the other kids at my private school. I’ve never fit in. I’ve never felt like I fit in. Largely, because of death and grief. When my mom died, I…
Outsider
A month from today, Sarah, Shelby, and I will be hitting the road for Texas. It is time for our annual “Drewfest” weekend, where Drew’s closest friends gather to remember him, celebrate him, and in general, have a fun time like the “good old days”. Personally, this will be my fifth Drewfest. I’ve been part of them since 2015, a few…
Is The Grief Coming To An End?
I completely forgot! It was Natasha’s birthday recently and I completely forgot. In the 4 years since her death, I forgot her birthday for the first time. I only remembered a couple of days later when my daughter was asking about her scheduled activities. I wasn’t even particularly busy, I just simply forgot. Does this mean…
Call Me Anytime
I watched the first episode of a new show on Netflix this morning called Dead to Me. In the episode, two women meet at a grief group, both widows. They end up building a new friendship as late night phone buddies since neither of them are able to sleep. The show goes on to take a lot of unexpected twists and turns (and believe me you should so…
A New Beginning
This past week I started something new that I feel both a little bit nervous about but also really hopeful about. I finally signed on to be a regional Soaring Spirits group leader here in Northeast Ohio. I’ve been sitting on this idea for over a year now. In part, for my own reasons… I have very few friends nearby since moving to Ohio. Each…