More and more we are seeing focus on self-growth, motivation, manifestation and talk of mindset. I get the premise and I try to practice the mentality. Yes it can change your day around if you focus on the positive but there are limits. I have to share this topic with you all so you understand […]
Widowed by Illness
Arguing with Myself~
Should I force myself to the gym again today? Yes, it’s good for releasing energy. Also, in theory, I’ll eventually get in shape. But then I think maybe I should keep this weight on in case our food supply chain is disrupted and food is harder to come by. On the other hand, with the […]
42 Moons
Main picture by Mark Tegethoff on Unsplash I have long had an uncanny ability to work out time zones (what time is it right now in Sydney where they are 8 hours ahead? Or in Minneapolis which is 7 hours behind? Or if I want a call with someone in New York and someone in […]
Return To Me
Today, I find myself in Texas near Houston. A speaking engagement planned almost a year ago. It has been a long time since I have been able to travel, speak and feel the energy in a room of people. This new world we live in can be suffocating especially for a widowed man who sometimes […]
Inadequate Words from my Uncertain Self~
I don’t know what to write this week. The world is too much, and has been for some time. I’m not one to hide from the truths of widowed life…the emotional/mental/physical aspects of it and how long it takes to just frickin’ stand up on a regular basis. I definitely don’t believe in the cult […]
The Double Life of a Widow~
I’m not qualifiably bipolar, but I swear I feel like I’m two people living distinctly different lives. If left on my own, supposing I had the money to do so, I’d park my rig, PinkMagic, on a beach somewhere, far away from everyone, and have as little interaction with the world as possible. I’d read […]
I Don’t Think I Could Stay
Talking to someone who has lost a loved one isn’t the easiest situation. Many people get anxious, some shut down, some unintentionally say the wrong thing. I try to remember that they are hoping to meet me in a space of support by saying something and when that something comes out wrong (which it inevitably […]
Time and Space and Fantasy~
Bear with me as I write this. I’m a total and complete Outlander fan, but the words I’m going to write aren’t because I swoon every time I hear James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser utter the word Sassenach. No, my words are about why I’ve connected so fervently with the series, and then the books, […]
From “What’s wrong?” to “What’s possible?”
Image by Leonardo Santamaria for NPR Confession: I have no idea where this piece of writing will go. Another confession: That happens quite often with these blogposts, though for sure much of my writing comes from a specific incident that has stood out during my week. Other times I latch onto a song, a poem, […]
Widowed Weather
Almost three years ago, I flew home from a convention in Mexico. We had to fly around Hurricane Nate. I got home. Clayton and I prepped the apartment and planned to go to his mother’s house. He wasn’t feeling well and I wanted to take him to the hospital but he said we should wait […]
See How They Shine~
Sailors of old had the right idea. They looked to the stars to place themselves as they rode the ocean waves. I’m here, they could say, after sighting particular stars and constellations. Rising stars and setting stars dipped above and below the horizon at set points of their days and nights. They watched the night […]
Sliced and Diced and Cored
Main Photo by Nikolai Chernichenko on Unsplash I have written quite a bit about my challenging relationship with Death Admin. That I despise it. That it’s painful. That it takes too much time and energy and money. That it is prone to make me cry bitter, angry and hurting tears. And that most of all, […]