I don’t know what to write this week. The world is too much, and has been for some time. I’m not one to hide from the truths of widowed life…the emotional/mental/physical aspects of it and how long it takes to just frickin’ stand up on a regular basis. I definitely don’t believe in the cult […]
Widowed by Illness
The Double Life of a Widow~
I’m not qualifiably bipolar, but I swear I feel like I’m two people living distinctly different lives. If left on my own, supposing I had the money to do so, I’d park my rig, PinkMagic, on a beach somewhere, far away from everyone, and have as little interaction with the world as possible. I’d read […]
I Don’t Think I Could Stay
Talking to someone who has lost a loved one isn’t the easiest situation. Many people get anxious, some shut down, some unintentionally say the wrong thing. I try to remember that they are hoping to meet me in a space of support by saying something and when that something comes out wrong (which it inevitably […]
Time and Space and Fantasy~
Bear with me as I write this. I’m a total and complete Outlander fan, but the words I’m going to write aren’t because I swoon every time I hear James Alexander Malcolm MacKenzie Fraser utter the word Sassenach. No, my words are about why I’ve connected so fervently with the series, and then the books, […]
From “What’s wrong?” to “What’s possible?”
Image by Leonardo Santamaria for NPR Confession: I have no idea where this piece of writing will go. Another confession: That happens quite often with these blogposts, though for sure much of my writing comes from a specific incident that has stood out during my week. Other times I latch onto a song, a poem, […]
Widowed Weather
Almost three years ago, I flew home from a convention in Mexico. We had to fly around Hurricane Nate. I got home. Clayton and I prepped the apartment and planned to go to his mother’s house. He wasn’t feeling well and I wanted to take him to the hospital but he said we should wait […]
See How They Shine~
Sailors of old had the right idea. They looked to the stars to place themselves as they rode the ocean waves. I’m here, they could say, after sighting particular stars and constellations. Rising stars and setting stars dipped above and below the horizon at set points of their days and nights. They watched the night […]
Sliced and Diced and Cored
Main Photo by Nikolai Chernichenko on Unsplash I have written quite a bit about my challenging relationship with Death Admin. That I despise it. That it’s painful. That it takes too much time and energy and money. That it is prone to make me cry bitter, angry and hurting tears. And that most of all, […]
Future Gifts
People will often ask how I’m able to keep going after such difficulties losing my father and than my partner within 10 months of each other. Well here is the secret… I just keep trying. Yup that’s it. I keep trying. That is the magical answer I have for you. Some days are fantastic and […]
Claw Marks~
Supporting Chuck as he died. The hardest, most impossible, most unbearable thing I’ve ever done. It was my job, as it was for all of us who walked with our loved one as they lay dying, to make it as easy as possible for Chuck. Or at least, that’s how I saw it. Out of […]
Life, After
Images from internet searches for Netflix’s “After Life” Sometime after Mike died – perhaps a matter of months – Megan came to me and said, “Muuuuum – my Netflix account isn’t working”. It’s possible that I said, “What’s Netflix?”, but I don’t think I was living under a rock to quite that degree. But I […]
Do You Know or Do You Believe?
We fall into our patterns and the longer we are in them the tighter they stick. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. Peppered into our day are all sorts of habits. It’s the repetition that provides us comfort. We say good night and close our eyes until the next day when the sun returns. The […]