Widow's Voice

Future Gifts

| Posted by:

People will often ask how I’m able to keep going after such difficulties losing my father and than my partner within 10 months of each other. Well here is the secret…

I just keep trying.

Yup that’s it. I keep trying. That is the magical answer I have for you. Some days are fantastic and other days I can feel frightened but each new day I try.

The thing I’ve learned is that every day is another chance to find purpose. One day’s purpose might be to take care of sea lions and penguins, the next might be educating people about oils followed by a day to spend with my dog, a day to motivate people, a day to do a news interview, a day to make a Tiktok, a day to grieve or a day that includes any, all or none of those things.

What I’ve found is that trying in itself is purpose. When there isn’t something I can tangibly show myself I’ve accomplished (because we all feel like we have to have visible substance to prove our work – right?), I can remind myself that the day was a success because I try.

The other thing I’ve learned is that my past difficulties has help to shape my future and directed me down roads I never would have ventured without a cosmic nudge. Hindsight can be a blessing depending on what lens YOU choose to look at it through.

So when you are faced with difficulties or the memories of difficulties past than remind yourself to see the gifts that have resulted and know that our difficulties right now become our future gifts…

Bryan Martin

About Bryan Martin

In 2016 my life all started to fall into place. A new job as a Supervisor for animals at a small aquarium along the beautiful Florida gulf coast. It was a dream for Clayton and I to move to the beach, get settled and get married. In June of 2017 my father passed away after a long battle with opiods and alcohol. Four months later, Clayton was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with acute liver failure. Not having been able to truly mourn my father, I was faced with knowing that Clayton (Tin as my family calls him) would also be leaving me. I had dreams of marriage, vacations and a long life together. I watched all of those dreams fade away more and more each day as I cared for him until his final days. He passed away April 16, 2018 the day after my sister’s birthday.

Now I am through the fog of the first year and reality is setting in this second time around the sun. I’m very much alone in this sleepy beach town. I’m trying to just maintain balance with my new normal. I get depressed, angry, sad, jealous, confused and disoriented. Some days are better than others and I remind myself that it is normal. So many people think my life is back to normal and fulfilling because I work with dolphins and penguins but the magic left everything when Tin passed away. I have trouble feeling passion about most things that used to light my fire. I have feelings that oppose one another and it is exhausting. I want to feel happy for others but want to know why I can’t have what they have.

Along my journey, I have had tough days and some wonderful days but at the end of each day I still don't have the answer to my one question....Why?

TO LEAVE A COMMENT ON A BLOG, sign in to the comments section using your Facebook or Gmail accounts, or sign up for Disqus.