Twirling down a long hallway, Softly lit with shimmering lanterns. Spinning from side to side, one door here, Another, there. Fingers gliding gracefully, and with longing Over memories and emotions. The past rising up, bowing its’ head in homage, Flower blossoms of the past carpeting wide planked floors… Sprinkling colors over me…garden spectrums of days […]
Widowed by Illness
Grief’s Rewinding
It has been 866 days since Clayton past away, 867 days since I said “I love you” and kissed him on the forehead for the last time. Those first few days after he died felt like years. Every minute was the first of that minute without him. Every day was the first Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday […]
Ausgespielt~
I just found the word you see in the title, as I searched for words to describe why I ought not be writing a blog this week. It’s German, and means done for. Done in. Over it. Spent. Overwhelmed. Wiped out. Fatigued. Yadda. Yadda. Yadda. Okay…I added those last words myself. Also, I ought not […]
Beautiful Failures
A part of being widowed is that you are forced to remember all of the relationships that didn’t work out. That sting when your first crush doesn’t like you back. That feeling life is over forever when the big high school sweetheart breakup happens. College brought a whole new world. I was getting more and […]
All Things Spiral~
I’ve always thought of grief as a spiral. Possibly because my daughter, Rachael-Grace was a hoop dancer for many years. The big kind of hoop, not the little hula hoop so many of us remember from our youth. Rachael-Grace used a hoop she made herself, and she taught herself how to dance within it, spinning […]
Gazing Through Grief
So many things have triggered my grief. It all comes down to five senses. There are the predictable ones that stand out like catching the scent of his cologne lingering in the breeze from a man passing by or the lyrics of a song that strike the strings of my heart. The taste of his […]
Love in Other’s Words~
I don’t have many words in me this evening, as I sit down to write this week’s blog. I do have a heart and mind filled with memories of the Love that Chuck and I shared for 24 years. A Love that sustained and energized me and made me feel passionate about life. Memories that […]
A letter of encouragement to my Widbuds
All photos my own, taken this week in the French Pyrenees I could write tons of letters of encouragement to my Widbuds, or indeed Grieflings of any fragrance or flavour. Whether it’s about putting one foot in front of the other; trusting that one heartbeat or breath will follow another; finding the wherewithal to write […]
The Gates of Grief
I realize I have gotten to a point where I go through my week, head down and pushing things back to keep grief at bay. The weekend hits and my first day is full of errands and obligations but my second day is dedicated to allowing the gates of grief to open when I write […]
Simple Division~
If I divide the days you’ve been gone 2661 by the months 87 By the years 7 years by the weeks 380 by the minutes 3883 by the miles I’ve driven 165,000 by the number of states I’ve taken PinkMagic on my Odyssey of Love 35 And the nights my hand has reached out to […]
Nice enough. Just not “right”
View of “Le Canigou” – the Pyrenees’ highest mountain – from my parents’ house, after a summer storm 3 August 2020 We have been on holiday now for a “fat” week. “We” is Megan, Ben, Medjool and me. A “fat” week is 10 days. The first 7 days were spent in the Camargue, a beautifully […]
The Keeper of the Lighthouse
Grief’s gaze. I knew it as soon as I got it this week. It’s that look you get from someone who has just suffered a new great loss. It conveys so much with so little. It’s so very different from the look they give to others all around them. Yeah it’s quite a powerful look […]