Widow's Voice

Dancing into Eternity~

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It wasn’t just the dancing.

It wasn’t just your arms around me when we danced.

It was my hand enfolded in yours,

as you held it close against your heart

and turned us around the dance floor.

It was the smile in your green eyes

as you gazed down at my face lifted to yours.

It was the Love radiating between us…

The intimacy palpable between us,

The vibrant energy lighting us on fire.

All this, that I miss more than any words in any language might express.

All of that, every bit of that Love that shone so intensely between us, even 24 years after I opened the door to your knock and gazed upon you for the first time, clad in your uniform.

I’ve taken that bright light of Love and tucked it into my heart.

All that Love you had for me,

I took it and molded it seamlessly into the Love I had and have for you.

That Love that was, and is, a force to be reckoned with,

It’s a magnificent fire burning in me,

Spurring me on relentlessly, even as I stumble and fall.

Even as I force myself to stand again.

This Love, as strong as the Love that shimmered between us,

As you held my hand, clasped in yours, against your heart.

Dancing us into eternity…

This Love, stronger now, even, than it was when you guided me around the dance floor…

This Love that you left for me,

Me.

You.

Us.

Me, with the power of two,

Into the spaces of eternity~

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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