My new year begins each April 21. That’s the date of Chuck’s death. It’s the only new year that carries any meaning for me. What do I care about January 1? April 21 is the day my life incinerated and I was eviscerated. So it stands to reason, at least in my mind, that this is the day where I look back, and, insofar as I’m able, look ahead.I knew,…
Widowed Anniversaries
6 Years of Tired~
This isn’t going to be an upbeat blog. No apologies for that, but fair warning. I don’t have it in me today.Yesterday was 6 years since Chuck died. I wonder why I can’t seem to get wherever it is I’m supposed to get. In this widowed life, I mean. It’s felt, since I was first widowed, like I’ve had to continually strive to be somewhere in the…
Please Sign and Date
Well the past two weeks I have been absent from blog writing. The first anniversary of Tin’s passing was quickly approaching and I honestly was scared. Scared to think about it. Scared to talk about it. Scared that when the day came, it would make it more true. For the first few months, holidays, birthdays I felt like it was a short enough time…
6 Years. 6 Centuries~
This Sunday it will be 6 years since Chuck died. Just writing that number leaves me breathless, and not in a good way. Jesus. How can it be 6 years? Though it might as well be 6 centuries. That’s how it feels. So, my thoughts on this fractured time as they meander through my mind…I spent last weekend with our older son and his family, which…
The Changing of the Guards
I did it. Maybe I didn’t outwardly realize I was doing it but I did it. I ignored the rising flood.For the past week I have made myself more and more busy. I have extended myself to help others beyond the norm. I have taken on more responsibility. It all seemed fine and balanced. Late to bed and early to rise with something pressing to think…
The Sting of Spring
As the first anniversary of Tin’s passing ebbs closer, I find myself at the gate to the last season of the firsts. I’ve made it through the summer days at the beach, cookouts and fireworks. I’ve made it through the changing leaves, crisp fall air and a Thanksgiving I wasn’t very thankful to experience. I’ve made it through everyone else…
Paradox
Anniversaries are, in general, a prompt for looking back. They’re an annual reminder to be reminded of the past. While oftentimes, an anniversary is also a milestone, it still remains that, simply put, an anniversary measures the passage of time. They don’t really MEAN anything to widows. Our person is neither more, nor less dead on…
Case of the Mondays
Sometimes, being incredibly, almost comically busy can be a blessing in disguise. Although it’s a short work week for us here in the US, with Thanksgiving being this Thursday, I arrived to an unexpectedly busy office yesterday morning. It was a madhouse for the entire day, and even as I drove home, I was receiving phone calls from co-workers,…
Another Year
I have lived without him now for two years. I am not entirely sure what to do with this. There is nothing that needs to be done – I know. There was no special fanfare that marked his two year death day. I observed the day subtly and quietly – on my own. Not surprisingly, no one gave me a medal for surviving two years of widowhood. There…
Being Dead Is Not A Happy Anniversary
Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary. It would have been 12 years of lovely marriage. Instead, we got 4 years and 9 months. But who’s counting? And does it even really matter anymore? I mean, I think that no matter how many years it’s been since the last anniversary, this day will always hit me like a bag of bricks across the heart. I just…
The Silent Missing
Oh, the sadness of October. My wedding anniversary. Followed by our honeymoon anniversary, just days later, and then Don’s birthday, just days into that. October 27th we married. In 2006. Its toward the end of the month, and its true what they say. The build-up to these milestone days, is often worse than the actual day itself. …
Happy 66th Wedding Anniversary, Betty!
Those were the words that echoed throughout the pool at the YMCA this morning, as we were just finishing up our high-impact water aerobics class. There were about 15 of us in the class, of varying ages and circumstances, and one of the older ladies walked up and whispered something into the instructor’s ear. After she did, the instructor reached…