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Happy 66th Wedding Anniversary, Betty!

Posted on: August 31, 2018 | Posted by: Kelley Lynn

Those were the words that echoed throughout the pool at the YMCA this morning, as we were just finishing up our high-impact water aerobics class. There were about 15 of us in the class, of varying ages and circumstances, and one of the older ladies walked up and whispered something into the instructor’s ear. After she did, the instructor reached down to her iPod, and put on the song “The Sea of Love.” She then said to Betty, which happened to be this woman’s name, “I am told this is you and your husband’s favorite song, so we will end with it today. Everyone please congratulate Betty – today is her 66th wedding anniversary! Isn’t that incredible?” All the ladies cheered and applauded and gave words of joy and laughter and lightly joked about marriage and how do you do it and wow, that’s so many years, and on and on and on. 

I sat in the pool for an extra few minutes, unable to make myself get out or climb the ladder and be bombarded by Betty and her married entourage of women all fawning over the multiple decades of wedded existence. I silently wished Betty well, because that is absolutely a milestone to celebrate. But I just couldn’t be a part of it. It hurt way too much. Seven years into this, and still, hearing about older couples who are honored enough to get years and decades together when I only got 4 years and 9 months, it still stings. It stings to hear about their children, their houses they bought together, their jobs they retired from, their grandchildren, their vacations, their retirement, all of it. Longevity is not something I was given a choice about in my marriage. When your person dies suddenly, before you could have kids or houses or careers or savings accounts or milestone dates, all of that is gone. It just disappears into oblivion. I am happy that Betty can celebrate 66 years with the same person, but part of me feels almost offended that I don’t get to prove to everyone that my marriage would have been one of those kind that lasted a lifetime and that grew with age and time, and that was a thing of beauty. I will never know. I will never know what would have become of us, what our future would give us. But I know everywhere inside of me that we had the kind of love that would have made it to 66 years and beyond. This I know. 

But to know that you will never be given that chance, to have a long and beautiful marriage, to walk through decades and time with someone and keep choosing them over and over – it’s very sobering and sad to know that you will not ever have that. I will not ever have that, and through no fault of my own. Our love is just as strong and we worked just as hard and we are just as deserving of longevity as Betty is. But my person died. So I will never know what would have been, and for me, that is one of the saddest feelings in the world. 
Happy 66th Wedding Anniversary Betty. 
I wish I knew anything at all about what it feels like to be where you are. 

Categories: Widowed Anniversaries

About Kelley Lynn

Kelley Lynn is a comedian, actor, TED talk speaker, and author of "My Husband Is Not a Rainbow: the brutally awful, hilarious truth about life, love, grief, and loss." Kelley was widowed at age 39 when her beautiful husband Don left for work one morning and never came home. (sudden heart attack.) Since then, it has been her mission to change the conversations we have surrounding grief and death, and to help those who are sitting in the dark, to find some light again. Kelley is a proud kitty mom to Sammy and Autumn, the 2 rescues that she and Don adopted together. In 2017, Kelley met her next great love story, Nick. They married on New Year's Eve 2020 in a FB LIVE ceremony, and are loving their new home in Westminster, MA.

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