It seems that my imagination…what goes on in my mind to help me manage this life…has ramped up. Almost any situation I encounter has a counterpart from various movies I’ve watched over the years. The big picture of all of this is me in the middle of a romantic comedy. I’ve always loved watching romcoms. Chuck used to watch them with me.Within…
Miscellaneous
Clutching On To Solo-Parenting
These last few days have been a mad rush. I accompanied my “now youngest” daughter Megan, who is 18, to start university in the middle of the UK. We live in France, so it’s a bit of a schlep, and since we take a flight, there’s a limit to what we can carry. Furnishing her student digs, then, becomes a race against time and my credit card’s…
The Weight of a Living Legacy
Shortly after losing Tin I was honored being asked to write in this space. I quickly felt the weight of grief ease as the words hit the paper. An amazing thing began to happen, others started to respond to my writing that they felt connected again and that lifted my grief a bit more. As I continued moving forward, I had started to use essential…
The Sacred Now~
I went to Chuck, a few days before he died, to have a semi final conversation with him. I hoped that we’d have more conversation, but the cancer was taking over and I knew he didn’t have much longer on this earth. Even writing those words shreds my heart, as if I’m in those last days again. Fucking cancer.What I knew was that I needed to say my…
Whispers~
Whispers of you echo through my years. Echoes now, even more than memories. The passing of Time has dulled the pain, But it has also sullied my memory.There are times that I wonder… Did you exist? Did you wrap your arms around me? Did I lay my head on your chest? Did our life exist? God, I don’t know sometimes, And that causes almost a panic in…
‘Til Always~
Chuck’s death did not break me. I am not broken. My heart shattered when he died. It is shattered still. I feel dislocated. Oftentimes disoriented. Dispossessed. Displaced. Trying to find my footing each day without him. Yes, even six years later. But not broken. I don’t need fixing. I never did. I fully recognize the people who shine a light for…
What Was. What Is~
Your death stripped me down to bone and marrow. It dug my heart out of my body with sharp talons And flung it, bloodied, onto the ground A sharp bladed axe, Such as was used for beheadings in the days of Henry VIII Hacked away at that bloodied heart of mine on the ground. Slicing and dicing it into miniscule pieces.It took effort and…
Dreaming Together
The death of your significant other can have a tendency to place your goals and dreams on hold. You may have been planning a major purchase together…a new home, a vehicle, or even a major furniture or appliance buy. It might have been that trip to the Grand Canyon or Alaska you had dreamed of for years. Kids? That was always a “sometime…
Adding it All Up~
April 21, 2013. 11:21 pm. It all stopped at that moment. He took a quick breath in. So did I. And that was it.And the clock continued ticking. It ticked into today. June 25, 2019. 194,915,716 seconds. 3,248,595 minutes. 54,143 hours. 2,255 days. 322 weeks. 74 months. 6 years. Time is relentless, isn’t it? It continues on, no matter what. Same as…
Thinking, and Overthinking~
What do you think about happiness? The possibility for it, in widowhood, I mean. And has the word changed in meaning for you since the death of your person? Do you even know what it means in this life after?I don’t know what happiness or joy means in this life. It certainly isn’t what it used to be when Chuck was alive. When I felt easy,…
Hola Amigo
Hey man, Well, it’s that time of year again. I’m here in Texas, with Sarah and Shelby, to celebrate you. This is what, year…five for me? That seems crazy. We went to your grave today, and it’s I guess looking good as ever. The little heart shaped rocks, the trinkets…the helicopters; they’re all still there. Your mom had some…
Return to Sender
So you are having a great day. Your future is brightening. The birthday of your passed person is on the horizon so you book two trips to help you through the day and allow yourself to get away and enjoy life. You don’t want to be alone and think of the 43 candles he won’t be blowing out with you this year. You don’t have to stress about…