Shortly after losing Tin I was honored being asked to write in this space. I quickly felt the weight of grief ease as the words hit the paper. An amazing thing began to happen, others started to respond to my writing that they felt connected again and that lifted my grief a bit more. As I continued moving forward, I had started to use essential oils for support and the community surrounded me with support and asked me to share my story with others. No matter how many times I share my story it never gets easier, just different. However, I keep telling my story because each time I see my words create a space of safety for others even if it’s for just a moment where they don’t feel alone.
Recently I shared my story in a Facebook group. Shortly after, the President of the essential oils company contacted me and offered for me to fly up to the corporate office to share my story with the executive directors. I’m leaving for the meeting in two days. I have no problems sharing the story I have now told over 100 times. I have no issue speaking in front of large groups yet I am feeling this new weight on my shoulders. It’s noticeable and felt very confusing to me. Where has the unsure tension come from? I am not in the least bit intimidated by the people I’m speaking with on Tuesday.
Last night, a group of oils leaders and I made history by creating and launching the first ever LGBTQ+ essential oils Facebook support group. It launched and within 12 hours had almost 600 members. We created a space that so many had hoped for but no one had stepped up to the plate. My phone has been ringing and dinging nonstop all morning. As I took in all of the messages of celebration and support I can’t help but wish Tin was here to be a part of the new rev-oil-ution. I began to think about what I would add to my story for the executive team and the weighted feeling increased as I realized it’s nature. Every time I speak about Tin, I am bringing him back into this world and introducing them to man I love and miss terribly. My words are more than providing a space for other to feel understood. My words are breathing him back to life. Now I’m about to get up in front of a billion dollar company and introduce them to Tin. I’m leading the charge for this company as they are making efforts to continue to show inclusivity because of the love and loss I have experienced.
The weight I now am feeling is from wanting to do my best to breathe all the life I can into Tin’s legacy. He apologized to me near the end of his time because he was leaving us. I know he felt guilt. If only he could have known than that he would have such a profound positive impact on so many other people. I truly believe he is here and the driving force for all that is opening up to me and I feel proud to carry the weight of his living legacy.
