It’s Sunday morning… I should hear you happily humming as you walk down the stairs to start the coffee. As I lay in our bed, I should notice the familiar sound of the beans grinding. Soon, the smell of coffee should be thick in the air. There should be music playing in the kitchen. And, any moment now, my phone should ding and the screen…
Miscellaneous
Half the Road of the First Year – Just Let It Flow
Tomorrow marks 6 months since Tin has passed. How am I already here? How does time move so slowly and so quickly at the same time? Honestly it is Life’s biggest blessing and curse. As I look back at these 6 months, I see a new road behind me that I have paved on my own. Of course there have been others to help me through the thick brush but I had…
Patriot’s Day
Seventeen years ago, today, I was driving back from the base medical office to my shop after receiving some vaccines. It was a beautiful morning in North Carolina. Slightly on the muggy side, but the sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. As was common at the time, I tuned to Howard Stern on the radio, and after a few minutes, he…
Into the Fall
Yesterday was the first day of the year to bring in an autumn cold snap here in Northeast Ohio, along with the remnants of the tropical storm that came through Florida last week. Since I woke yesterday, it’s been a slow, steady dripping rain… the kind where you can still open all the windows and feel the brisk air and hear the gentle drops on…
Be Present
Recently someone reached out to me asking me how I do this life and how they find it so difficult to not be where they want to be or thought they’d be. Turning 30 this past week has made me think about some of the same things so I thought I’d share my thought process. Is this where I thought I’d be and what I thought I’d be doing at 30? No.
Wanderlust
I need to see new things. And, also, see the same things – somewhere else. I need to stand on different street corners. And, walk roads that lead to new people and places. I need to breathe the air – somewhere else. Anywhere else. I feel like I am holding my breath, Living here in the outskirts of my old life. ~Staci I feel restless lately. …
The Only and the Already
There are minutes, hours, days that seem to fly by while seconds seem to drag on forever. It has only and already been 4 months since Tin has passed – only and already. For those that don’t lose their “person”, it is hard to explain that time’s guidelines begin to bend in ways we never knew. Good days go fast. Bad days go slow. Yet the next…
How Is This My Life?
Today I went to the post office to send off multiple copies of the book that I wrote about my husband’s sudden death, our love story, and my life in the aftermath. Then I went to the YMCA and took another pool / water aerobics class, followed by physical therapy for my neck and shoulders because I developed arthritis and bone spurs in my neck due…
What Remains, In This After of You
A trifold flag, presented to me at your memorial service. Where are you, my beloved? ID tags that hang over my bed or around my neck. Where are you, my beloved? 3 children you raised with me, though they weren’t of your blood. Where are you, my beloved? A grandson who would tower over you in height, and who reminds me of you each time I see a…
Taking the Lead
There were so many reasons for Megan to be proud of Shelby. From her sheer intelligence, to her love for reading, to even her quirky weirdness. She appreciated that Shelby had a love for nature, at least tiny animals and flowers. We would take Shelby camping at least once a year, but due to Megan’s condition, that was the limit. We took one…
Our First Wedding Anniversary
Tomorrow is our first “Wedding” Anniversary. And, I call it our Wedding Anniversary even though Mike died before we said “I do”. I married him in a thousand different ways before he even asked me to be his wife. In our hearts we were husband and wife; And, now given the circumstance, people tell me that’s what matters. Still, I…
A Wolf in Family Clothing
Over the river and through the woods, Tin’s Aunt had come down to see him before he passed and to help his mother handle a mother’s worst nightmare losing a child. She watched him grow, watched him thrive and now held him as he faded away. I can’t imagine and it seems unholy although if Jesus’ mother had to go through it than who am I to…