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Whispers~

Posted on: August 14, 2019 | Posted by: Alison Miller

Whispers of you echo through my years.

Echoes now, even more than memories.

The passing of Time has dulled the pain,

But it has also sullied my memory.

There are times that I wonder…

Did you exist?

Did you wrap your arms around me?

Did I lay my head on your chest?

Did our life exist?

God, I don’t know sometimes,

And that causes almost a panic in my thinking brain.

My soul, though…

My soul remembers you.

Who you were is in my bones,

An insoluable part of me now.

Perhaps that is all that matters?

I don’t know. 

As long as you reside in my soul,

And in the murmur of Time,

That is enough.

It must be enough.

Just focus on Love, I tell myself,

Because that was the strongest part of you and me and us.

Just Love~

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness, Miscellaneous

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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