This past week, Mike wrote about how we are continuing a dream he and his late-wife Megan shared as we are looking into getting a camper next year. There were a lot of dreams I had with Drew that never came true too. Even just planning a wedding and spending time on every little detail was something I never got to do with him. Much less a wedding…
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Understanding “Freedom”
The Fourth of July – All things summer right? It’s cookouts, pool, family, sunscreen and fireworks. All the freedoms you get living in the good ole USA. It’s funny how the word freedom is used. By definition, freedom means you are not enslaved or forced to act or be a certain way. You are not trapped. Of course, for the USA freedom means all of…
The E.R. and July
It is July right now, which means it is the countdown to “death day” once again. That day when I literally woke up, and my healthy, 46 yr old husband, had left for work, collapsed at work, been rushed by ambulance to the E.R., and, oh yeah – DIED. That day , July 13th, when I called a cab and then got into a cab – which I stll dont remember…
Thoughts About the Dead
I miss the weight of her body on top of me falling asleep. I miss how white her teeth were and how her tying bells aroourful skirts from Rajastan. I miss watching her tying bells around her ankles and practicing classical Indian dance. I miss hearing her opinions on politics, race, climate change, gender and the cosmos. I even miss…
Dreaming Together
The death of your significant other can have a tendency to place your goals and dreams on hold. You may have been planning a major purchase together…a new home, a vehicle, or even a major furniture or appliance buy. It might have been that trip to the Grand Canyon or Alaska you had dreamed of for years. Kids? That was always a “sometime…
Normalish
One of my goals is to become more present. I want to learn to live in the moment. I want to exist more consciously again. When Mike died I lost my ability to focus on the here and now. Looking back, maybe I never had this capability; but, when he was alive, at least I did not spend as much time lost in my thoughts. What has become my “new normal”,…
A Widow, A Mother, and A Wedding Dress
I’ve been in Texas on vacation for a few weeks, hence my absence here. I have however been waiting to share something very special that happened while we were down there. If you’re new here, I lost my fiance Drew 7 years ago in a crash. I am now engaged to a widower, Mike, and we have this new little blended family together with his daughter…
Sometimes the Scary Thing Brings the Most Support – Sharing
So I’ll finally share with you that when Clayton passed away I was terrified of the insecurity and my financial stability. I had no idea what to do and the thought of getting a third job (because grief is my second job) was overwhelming. At the time, my sister had started using essential oils and had just started sharing them with her friends and…
You Feel Far Away
It’s been almost 8 years since you died. I moved out of our apartment long ago. Then I moved again. And then again. Then I made a big move out of the NY area completely – leaving where we shared all of our years together. I have a totally different job than when you were alive. I’m going into real estate. I wrote about you. About us.We…
Adding it All Up~
April 21, 2013. 11:21 pm. It all stopped at that moment. He took a quick breath in. So did I. And that was it.And the clock continued ticking. It ticked into today. June 25, 2019. 194,915,716 seconds. 3,248,595 minutes. 54,143 hours. 2,255 days. 322 weeks. 74 months. 6 years. Time is relentless, isn’t it? It continues on, no matter what. Same as…
Rocketman
Sunday morning I took myself to a diner for breakfast. Our diner. It was not easy to go there without him. I’ve done it before, but never on a Sunday, their busiest day. I said “ for one”, and I sat myself at the countertop. I ordered myself a coffee – for one.Great tunes were playing.And, it felt good to be there. I will admit, I did almost…
Summer Has a Feel …
Summer has a feel, for all who love it’s rays of sunshine family vacations lounging by the pool warm nights with just a twist of warm breezes. Ice-cream dripping down the cone, car rides with the top down, and tunes blasting. Carefree and endless guilt-free hours, sipping on tall iced-teas. Summer has a feel of drive-in…