Another year, another birthday. Megan would be 38 tomorrow. Each time July 24 rolls around, it’s a slightly different experience for me. Sometimes, the build-up to that day is the difficult part. Other times, it has been acknowledged as “it is what it is” and the day passes without much fanfare. This year, it’s a mixture of both. While…
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Notre Dame
When you read this, I will be somewhere in Europe. I will have already traveled to Paris. And, trust me, it is not lost on me that both Notre Dame and myself are under reconstruction. It is no coincidence. When I lay my eyes on the Cathedral Notre Dame it will be actively undergoing reconstruction – just like me. And, like with any…
The Rifts of Loss
Funny how different losses can create such different kinds of struggles for us. How different versions of loss can confuse us and blindside us in unexpected ways… even when we have dealt with loss before. I feel like I came home from our recent trip to Texas changed. In a good way. I feel like there were a lot of things that were rearranged…
Castle Made of Sand
Monday mornings are typically tough getting back into the grind but when your person’s birthday consumes that first day of a new week’s energy you can barely make it through the day let alone the week. This is the second birthday without him. These milestones seem to be flying by faster and faster but the space Tin filled seems to be just as…
Widow Tired
Im Widow Tired. Tired of being widowed. Tired of milestone dates, grief triggers, and sleepless nights. Tired of the simplest things that used to be easy, taking me forever to accomplish. Tired of fearing the future, honoring the past, being in the moment. I want to be in the moment. Its just tiring to have to remind myself all the…
On the Bright Side
For some reason, I always feel that this blog should be sad and grief-driven. But, today I just feel AMAZING! It would have been our 10th anniversary last week, and yes, it was hard, I mean really hard. However, it wasn’t nearly as hard as in the past. Partly why I feel so good is that I used my heavy bag for 30…
Living on Kairos Time~
I’m continually searching for new and fascinating podcasts to listen to as I drive my Odyssey of Love. Podcasts by people who think outside the box. Live outside expectations. See beyond what we’ve generally been taught, whether intentionally or culturally. This perception in thinking isn’t new to me; I was raised to read and question and educate…
Underpinnings
When Mike died I felt my foundation shift and collapse. I buried him, but it was me who was buried alive by the wreckage of our dilapitdated life. For a long time I thought that maybe if I stood still he’d come for me. I thought he would somehow find me and save me from the ruins of our lost life. Then, after a while, I realized that Mike…
Fearing More Death
I recently had a scare over someone close to me dying again. It wasn’t even a true emergency, or anyone in fact having a close call by any means. But this wasn’t just anyone. This was one of my oldest friends and someone who has been a mother to me since my own mom died when I was nine. Now that both of my parents are gone, she is one of only a…
Not an Identity Crisis~
I don’t want to only be known as a widow. I’m more than that. But I don’t know what I am any longer. I’ve heard and read such words so frequently in these 6 years since Chuck’s death. What and who am I now? Am I single? Am I still married? How do I define myself?Honestly, these are the same questions that most people ask themselves at a certain…
Sensory Math Replay
Mike is unable to post today, so we went back into our archives and found this gem that he wrote back in 2015. His words still hold true today, so enjoy this replay of his post… When Megan died, i went into full sensory deprivation mode. I could no longer see her face, hear her voice, taste her lips, smell her body wash, or touch her skin.
Another Sunday
It’s Sunday again. Right about now, I should hear you happily humming as you walk down the stairs to start the coffee. As I lay in our bed, I should notice the familiar sound of the beans grinding. Soon, the smell of coffee should be thick in the air. There should be music playing in the kitchen. And, any moment now, my phone should ding and…