Things are hard. Life is hard. Sometimes I am convinced that life is much harder for some than for others. Sometimes it feels like I can never get a break. Sometimes it feels like I will always struggle and things will always be really hard, and that is just how my life will be. I dont know. None of this is fact. Just feelings. …
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Grief’s Grip Again
Clearly, 4 ½ years is far too long to miss the love of your life since society continues to tell me not to miss my wife anymore. The thrust of the conversation is aimed at pushing me to stop talking about missing my wife and get over it! As a result, we all learn to judge our social environment carefully before bringing illness, longing and/or…
Numbers Again~
On May 29 I celebrated 10 years of fulltiming on the open road. The first 4 were with my beloved husband, Chuck. The last 6 have been solo. Widowed. Wishing for it to be different, and living it fully, at the same time. Living on the road in my little pink trailer, driving my pink car, this Odyssey of Love, is just what I do, and I don’t give a…
Death Sucks
Does anyone else feel like they pay less attention to deaths these days? Hear me out. I’ve noticed this trend, at least in me, of learning of a person that might have been significant to me has died. I note it, give it a quick “that sucks, for their widow”, and go about my business. Tim Conway (a comedian I grew up admiring), Bart Starr…
Empty Act
Today was ”okay”. My grief wasn’t especially heavy. But, this is not usual. Most of the time I feel completely empty inside. The landscape of my Soul is barren since Mike died. I wish it was different, but it’s not. I feel empty. There is an awful hollowness that lives inside me that I can’t lose. However, most people in…
The Scariest Part of Surgery
This blog will be short because I had a lasik procedure this week and my eyes get tired quickly.I’ve never been one to be comfortable with eye stuff. I hate eye drops and the thought of contact lenses makes me cringe but I was so fed up with glasses that I decided to go through with the surgery and get it over with. As the day got closer, I got…
Space
Whenever my daughtyer and I sleep next to each other there is a space beside us. When I am getting Anisha ready for school there is a space next to us. When we sleep next to each other, there is a space next to us. When we have breakfast, lunch and dinner, there is a space next to us. When we walk to a playground, there is a space next to us.
Shaken, Foggy, Shocked
Yesterday, I was driving to my Soaring Spirits Widowed Social Group meetup that I co-lead. We meet 2x per month, at various coffee shops and restaurants and such. We provide friendship, support, and a place to safely be our widowed selves, whether thats crying, laughing, venting, or anything in between. Yesterday we met at a new…
Loved Still, Loved Always ~ Flash Back
Alison wrote in today to say that she wouldn’t be able to write her blog, so we chose a piece that she shared in 2016 that we thought you would enjoy. <3 These days that stretch and wind and turn and curve Nights that do the same This life filled with unknowing and uncertainty And grief and loss and wandering and wondering Roads that stretch and…
Nice to Meet You
When your spouse has a long-term, terminal illness, it’s very easy to devote all of your attention to their well-being. I rationalized for years that there was quite literally nothing as bad as what Megan was going through, so anything regarding my own health or person was minimal. It wasn’t healthy in and of itself, but in the grand scheme…
Strongish at Best
Most people on the periphery assume we are strong because they see us doing life. They see us on our driveways. They watch us get into our vehicles as we are on our way to participate in the stuff of living. Yes, we are doing things. They are witness to it. And, the assumption is that we’ve got this. And, maybe part of us does have…
“By Now…”
Lately I’ve been feeling some sort of an emptiness. After Drew died, for a lot of years, I was doing a lot of creative work around my grief. I was finding visual ways to express this inner world and sharing it with others. There was something about that work that felt so purposeful. It felt like I was doing something important for myself, and…