Since he died, I have reestablished my life with the exception of my love life. Around the three year mark, I realized that I had to address this missing component of my life without Mike. I acknowledged that I desperately miss being part of a couple and I accepted that I would do something about this. It was no secret to me, I liked being in love and I longed for the feelings that go along with being madly in love. Daily, I have been missing this intangible stuff of love. I continually hungered for what I lost when Mike died. And, for me, I knew that I could not be wholly satisfied alone. I remember how much richer my life was with Mike and because of this I am simply not satisfied on my own.
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First Flight, Last Flight
Hey bud, You know, there are a lot of coincidental similarities between you and I. I mean, even at age 6, I was fascinated by flight (spaceflight specifically, at the time), visiting Kennedy space center, and the US air force museum. I enlisted in the Marine Corps at 17, and guess where I ended […]
A Better Busy Bryan
Just after Clayton passed, I was forced to get a second job. I started up an online business which allowed me to work from anywhere. I wasn’t locked into a schedule, at a location with someone else’s requirements. I worked extremely hard to quickly get to a point I felt financially safe again. I hit […]
“D” Day No. 8
Eight years ago today my world changed forever, suddenly, and in ways I couldn’t have imagined…
Tears
I don’t remember the exact words I uttered, but I do remember choosing to kiss away her tears and hold her tightly. In that moment, nothing mattered more to me than to comfort her as best I could. And I did that many times throughout the years—far too many to remember.
Dancing into Eternity~
It wasn’t just the dancing. It wasn’t just your arms around me when we danced. It was my hand enfolded in yours, as you held it close against your heart and turned us around the dance floor. It was the smile in your green eyes as you gazed down at my face lifted to yours. […]
Parallels
Photo by Jonathan Pendleton on Unsplash Like just about everyone with a heart on the planet, I have been saddened, distraught and moved to tears many times these past couple of weeks as the upwelling of grief and anger in the US (and the UK, and France, to name just a couple of other places), over race, bias, […]
Anything You Want
Whatever is left of me has been reclaimed. I have been slowly and steadily undergoing a rebirth of sorts. It has been painful and tedious. But, I’m doing it. I am steadily rebuilding myself from the wreckage because I have to. I have no other choice. I love life too much to just sit here and waste what I have left. I love him too much to never try to live my best life again. And, nothing, not one damn thing, will make Mike happier than if his girl can smile again. It might take everything I’ve got, but I am trying to find a way to live in a world that he is gone from. I owe this to myself. I deserve to be happy again and you do too.
Three Little Words, and Other Hard Things
Yesterday was our anniversary. Next week, the 8th anniversary of his death. That’s a day that a lot of people still remember. But yesterday… no one else really remembers…
What Do You Say to Someone Widowed? Exactly What You Say to Anyone Grieving…
There is just no way to gather the words to fully express the way current events are falling all around us. A pandemic, lost jobs, social upheaval and deep pain from racism. My broken widowed heart hurts for so many and it often takes my breath away leaving me speechless. So many of my friends […]
A Rite of Passage
One of the first big milestones of life without Suzanne has come to pass. Our youngest daughter has finished college and has basically graduated (she has fulfilled all of her requirements, but because of CoVID-19 the ceremony will now not take place until December). She arrives back at my home from England today after finishing last month.
JesusMaryandJoseph, Etc~
Raise your hand if you’re flat out exhausted and breathless and searching for words to describe the world right now. Our country right now. Your life right now. Zoned to the bone…that’s me these days. Covid-19 almost seems a dinosaur now, in the space of a week, having been taken over by the horror this […]