Widow's Voice

What Do You Say to Someone Widowed? Exactly What You Say to Anyone Grieving…

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There is just no way to gather the words to fully express the way current events are falling all around us. A pandemic, lost jobs, social upheaval and deep pain from racism. My broken widowed heart hurts for so many and it often takes my breath away leaving me speechless. So many of my friends have said they don’t know what to do or say right now to help their friends. Many are worried that they may say the wrong thing and make it worse so they stay silent. However, silence makes the problem worse. Silence is where the evil is hiding.

I often refer to being widowed as a dark gift. Painful but, as I walk forward, I realize I have been given insight and intuition that I never had before. I have been graced with the gifts of empathy, grief and loss. I know it seems strange to consider these as gifts but since Clayton passed away I have gone from a nice guy to one who outwardly shines a light for those in the dark. We all have the choice on how we walk forward. We all have different journeys. As I put myself back together and the future begins unfolding, I want to bring as many people with me towards better days. I would not be doing what I am doing now without my dark gifts and for that reason I am grateful.

Right now, my gift of loss and grief is helping me to navigate these strange social waters. So many people don’t know what to say to the hurting people in their lives. For a bit, I was taken aback and had no words. Now that I have had time to process everything occurring, I immediately know what to say. We all remember when we just became widowed. People don’t know what to say. They don’t want to say the wrong thing. They don’t want to upset us but what is it that we tell them? They don’t have to say anything except that they are here for us. That is all anyone needs to hear right now. You don’t need to say something amazing and profound. You just need to say that you are there for them

We, as the widowed, have unique emotional superpowers that are rivaled by no other. Right now, we can use our dark gifts to help other see the light by simply stating the only thing we wanted to hear on day 1 of our widowed walk…

 

 

About Bryan Martin

In 2016 my life all started to fall into place. A new job as a Supervisor for animals at a small aquarium along the beautiful Florida gulf coast. It was a dream for Clayton and I to move to the beach, get settled and get married. In June of 2017 my father passed away after a long battle with opiods and alcohol. Four months later, Clayton was rushed to the hospital and diagnosed with acute liver failure. Not having been able to truly mourn my father, I was faced with knowing that Clayton (Tin as my family calls him) would also be leaving me. I had dreams of marriage, vacations and a long life together. I watched all of those dreams fade away more and more each day as I cared for him until his final days. He passed away April 16, 2018 the day after my sister’s birthday.

Now I am through the fog of the first year and reality is setting in this second time around the sun. I’m very much alone in this sleepy beach town. I’m trying to just maintain balance with my new normal. I get depressed, angry, sad, jealous, confused and disoriented. Some days are better than others and I remind myself that it is normal. So many people think my life is back to normal and fulfilling because I work with dolphins and penguins but the magic left everything when Tin passed away. I have trouble feeling passion about most things that used to light my fire. I have feelings that oppose one another and it is exhausting. I want to feel happy for others but want to know why I can’t have what they have.

Along my journey, I have had tough days and some wonderful days but at the end of each day I still don't have the answer to my one question....Why?

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