I had something else written but this came to me right before I hit publish at 10pm. It’s a quick first draft but it feels more real than the mundane checklist of last week’s griever agenda. Thanks for reading and always being kind. The Volcano During the first 365, the sky was clouded with ash, […]
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I Watch With You
On August 31, 2002, Don Shepherd flew from his home in Florida into Newwark airport, and met me in person for the first time, after we had been marinating in our long-distance/not yet defined relationship / incredible friendship for three and a half years. Because of past trauma I had been through, I was terrified […]
Stop Rushing Towards The Grief
I distinctly remember being in the 5th grade and saying: “Just 7 more years until I graduate. Then it’s college and dolphin training. Hang in there Bryan, it’s just 7 more years.” I wanted to be free of the bullying and I wanted my dream job, so I wished for time to tick by faster. […]
Bad Dreams.
I have a recurring dream that Boris has come back to life (or returned from being mysteriously gone for 4 years). It happens less frequently than it used to, but the other night it happened again. In this dream, he was back and I was ecstatic and ready to return to our relationship where we […]
Block Party
September 9 is the date set for our block party, an annual late summer event for the past five years, or so, except for two years when there was no block party due to Covid. The dates change but it’s always held on a Saturday around this time of year. I’m not sure of its […]
Never Ready
I can tell you exactly where I was standing . . . and who I was with when I heard that our superman died. “Impossible” I said. We are never fully ready to accept the death of our person. Time is a magician. Even with early warnings that death is near, time suddenly runs out. […]
A Pyrenean Adventure Written in Thumb and Swype
27 August 2022 I thought I would pull together the various updates I posted on to Facebook when I had occasional internet access during our Pyrenean Haute Route – begun last summer, and completed this year. Inspired by my dad John and my uncle Ian who completed it in well into their 60s (in one […]
Musings About Dating
When and if you decide to start dating again, you know the road isn’t going to be easy. It wasn’t easy in my twenties, why would it be easy in my forties? There will be times that it’s fun and there will times that it will hurt. This week it hurt, but here’s me trying […]
Time Jump
I know that the concept of time moving fast isnt exactly anything new. The idea of “where did the time go?” is something that people talk about all of the …. well, all of the time. But in my last month of being 50 years old, (I will turn 51 in September), for some reason, […]
Of God and Grief
40 days and 40 nights. Sometimes that’s how grief has felt along this journey. No one quite understands the impact that first grief flood has on you until you find your floating around and all the land is gone. Nothing but a horizon. You feel helpless, alone and lost. It has taken lots of navigating […]
Even the fun things.
Well, I went to that Odesza concert. And, I brought a little of Boris with me and left a little of him behind. I think he would appreciate that a little sprinkle of him is there. I struggled with what to write about as I sat down to write today. My brain feels a bit […]
Blank Slate
I’m staring at a blank screen, hoping that I’ll find something to say today that is entertaining, or at least interesting. Some weeks it’s been harder than others for me to crank out a thousand words or so on a blog site that is called the “Widows Voice.” It has started out being one of […]