Well, I went to that Odesza concert. And, I brought a little of Boris with me and left a little of him behind. I think he would appreciate that a little sprinkle of him is there.
I struggled with what to write about as I sat down to write today. My brain feels a bit overwhelmed at the moment, but I think that’s worth writing about too. I have a lot going on between school and caregiving for my dad, but then I always have this grief too. A normal and fun activity like going to a concert would feel light to anyone else, but it wasn’t for me. It was fun and I enjoyed it, but I was also missing Boris. I was thinking about him and that grief was heavy. It has me thinking about how everything is colored and shaped by my loss, even happy and exciting things. Especially when it’s things that I know he would have enjoyed. Nothing can really be only fun for me, it’s always fun but also sad or bittersweet or maybe there’s even a small layer of guilt. Perhaps that will shift over time, but I am also ok if it doesn’t. I will always wish he were here to be part of the fun things. He should have been at that show. It sucks that I had to bring a tiny bag of his ashes instead. And, that deserves acknowledgment.