In just a couple weeks, I’m coming up on 3 years. That realization along with the hormones of pregnancy has really been a lethal – and emotional – combination. I found this old post from my blog that jumped out at me as something I’ve been thinking about lately and thought I would share. Maybe someone, somewhere out there might connect with this…
young widow
Who knows?
When I met Greg, it was at a housewarming party for mutual friends.He danced with me, brought me drinks, held my hand and at the end of the night, he walked me to my car and kissed me softly.Years later, we could remember exactly where we were standing when we first clapped eyes on each other.It was love at first sight.It was perfect after feeling…
Being kicked
I’ve been struggling with my dog, Clifford. He had a shoulder injury that seemed to be getting better thanks to the vet and pain medication. Monday I got up at 3:30am to go to work and I couldn’t find Clifford. After searching the house, I found him sitting in the bathtub just staring at the wall. Not laying down, just staring. He wouldn’t even…
Deny
How many things do we deny. Deny ourselves to feel, grasp, understand, embrace. Deny out of fear. Injustice. Pain. Feeling. Yet there is a simple truth that we all innately know, yet somehow try to veer ourselves away from. In one small word..One opposite…. Acceptance. For it is only when we don’t deny the reality of something, that we can…
I Am Alone. I Am With You.
Here is a riddle: What is more sad? Going to the movies alone, or going to the movies with a group of friends, who barely speak to each other or acknowledge each other’s existence? This past weekend, I really wanted to see Gravity. So I went alone. Going to the movies, or anywhere really, by myself, is not a big deal to me. When I was married,…
The Battle Between Past and Present
This weekend as we traveled to Indiana, Michigan, and back to West Virginia in 3 short days, we logged a lot of hours in the car. Sometimes I dread long trips because let’s face it: we have 5 children packed into our vehicle like sardines, who we lovingly refer to as “the pee and flee gang” constantly asking us to stop, fighting over what movie to…
Victim Mentality
ast week I had no internet access for over 4 days (hence the lack of WV post). I also had no TV access as it runs from the same cable. I was going stir crazy as I was needing to get online to finalise things for my return to work after the holidays. WHY was this happening to me. ….and then I gave myself a good shake, a kick up the bum and asked…
Safe Place
After Dave died and the shock wore off, the big world became a scarier place. If he could be snatched away, what else could? If I stay close to home, says this fear-logic, I can somehow make sure the last remnants of that life won’t disappear too. My cats will be safe, my home will be intact and no one can hurt me more than I’ve already been…
Survivor’s Guilt
A couple of weeks ago I traveled to California to spend time with my best friend. On one of the days I was there we went to tour a winery. The winery was so beautiful. Of course the wine was amazing. The day was filled with love and laughter. On the drive back to our hotel I was looking out the window.. taking in the beauty around me. …
My Person
My thoughts are all over the place tonight. Scattered in the air, like confetti. Sometimes I come in here, to this blog site, and I have absolutely no idea what I want to say. I want to say everything – and nothing. Tonight is one of those nights. So here are a few random thoughts that are on my mind right this minute. If I’m lucky, they will end…
I can’t remember if I remember
I wrote this post on my personal blog back in April of 2012, but it was ringing in my ears this week, as I was trying to remember details and was getting frustrated about the pieces I couldn’t recover. I had a horrifying experience this week: I couldn’t remember.It started with a drive to meet my sister-in-law in Canada. The drive was a…
Dear Dave
Dear Dave, I just finished looking through our pictures again. Sometimes, fearing I’ve imagined my former life, I need proof that it all really happened. Italy, our house rehab, Hawaii, Yellowstone, the hundreds of pics you took of your beloved students scrolled before my eyes. I sobbed and sobbed, scaring the cat with the sounds of my heart…