I met Christina Rasmussen, from Second Firsts, early in my widowhood, on her first book tour. She was in Boston and I was in NH, so I drove to the book store holding the event, and heard her speak for the first time. It didn’t change the emotions of my widowhood, but her words, her philosophy about life after loss touched me deeply. It was my…
military widowed
Widowing and Renaisance Faires
My motto, since Chuck died, is push your boundaries. Stretch your comfort zones. Go where you’ve never gone before. It hasn’t been difficult to do this, honestly. Chuck died in southern CA, in our 4th year on the road. I had no home to return to; we’d sold it, and our belongings, years before, to go adventuring. So I was already well accustomed to…
Grief. Secondarily~
The easy affection between us. The teasing. The flirtatious wink across the room from him to me. The sensation of electricity skimming across my skin when he entered a room where I was, even before I saw him.The passion. Holding hands. The sweet kisses that lasted for at least 30 seconds because I’d read a book about relationships early on in our…
Whispers of Memory~
Whispers of memory In the halls of Time Drift through me Like the clouds of mist That suddenly appeared around us as we wandered the soft ground of Muir Woods so many years ago. Memories that begin, now, with our final times together. Me, huddled in the courtyard gardens of hospice rocking to and fro on my knees, arms hugging my…
Over the Edge. Maybe~
5 years and 9 months into this life without Chuck, I may have, Possibly Gone over the edge. It’s a matter of opinion, I suppose. Our world that is so critical and judgemental of how we grieve, Those who tend to be uncomfortable with others who refuse to play the game of life their understood way… Well, they might think I’ve gone over the edge.
Trying to Start Over
My wife and I have always enjoyed mixing our favourite coping mechanism, comedy, with accomplishing important tasks. Sometimes, the best remedy for the worst life stresses is proactive humour. Natasha came up with the term “cancer card” as a way to deal with life’s day to day challenges. We would often jokingly ask each…
Sunshine and Roses. Not~
I’m 5 years and 9 months into life without Chuck. I don’t think I’m supposed to call it that. Life without Chuck, I mean. I think I’m supposed to structure it, this life after him, in a more positive manner, according to society at large. Whatevs. The one thing I’ve done really well since Chuck died is be real about this widowed life shit. And it…
A Hall of Memories~
You and I, my Love, We… Are echoes in the halls of memories. In lands far away and beyond the clouds so beautifully and achingly tinged with vibrant colors, I search for you.Green tinged mountains with trees so tall they reach up into and beyond those clouds, Valleys of rock that jut sharply into one another and, if I squint my eyes, become…
Exclamations and Tildes~
Yes, tildes are a thing. Unlike exclamation points, which everyone learns in grade school, you probably won’t recognize the term, though you might very well recognize the symbol itself. Lest you think this is a blog about grammar, let me clarify my why of writing about grammar points. Both of them have played a significant role in my life for the…
To Infinity, and Beyond~
I was sick during the entire 12 days of Christmas. And counting. I lost last Tuesday, thinking it was still Monday, when it was actually Wednesday. Also, I thought last year was 2019 already. I’m so out of it. I could blame illness. Widows Fog. General lack of interest in Time itself. So many things. What I choose to blame is that my creative brain…
I Got Nothin’~
This may or may not end up being something. My brain is tired. So is my heart. I think I’m coming down with a cold. Family arrives tomorrow for the holidays. After I finished my workamping gig at the opera camp, I stayed here in Arkansas, visiting with my son and his family. I’ve taken some road trips in the past couple months that I’ve been…
Will I Ever Stop Asking …
Will I Ever Stop Asking Where would we be, had you not died? Will I ever stop wondering what would have happened in our life together if you were still here? Will I ever be at peace with the idea that my life is filled with questions that do not have answers? Will I ever feel okay with the knowing that large pieces of…