I’ve been on the road quite a bit in the last few weeks, visiting my NJ community. Not towing my trailer, because, you know, weather, and I’m on my way west to Arkansas now, for Thanksgiving. All of which is to say… I listen to podcasts as I drive. History podcasts, philosophy, widow stuff, life stuff. You name it, and I listen to it. And I just…
military widowed
Catching a Glimpse, I Think~
I’m so sad that Chuck died and I don’t know anymore if it’s sadness that is emptiness inside me or emptiness with sadness and there is a burning wish in my soul to force myself into some semblance of feeling again, of connectedness again. In the last few weeks I’ve caught a glimpse, I think, into the world of soldiers and Marines who return from…
On This Day
I don’t know what makes one day, one moment, more impossible than another. Grief is just that way. For me, it isn’t a matter of grief suddenly showing itself; it’s more a matter of at any one moment I’m better able to keep it under my skin as opposed to right on top. It isn’t less or more than; it’s just under or on top of. Today,…
Changes and Things
We all arrive at that time after our loved one dies where we look around and see what remains. What remains of a person who filled our lives in one way or another or so completely that we look at their physical belongings and are struck with disbelief that this is it. The sum of their existence. My husband and I specialized in not being…
Breaking
I’ve been traveling a ton the past week and in the midst of that, found myself looking through notebooks filled with quotes and thoughts that have inspired my being.One in particular, stuck out this evening:”Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.”Whoa!If that isn’t poignant to the ebbs and flows of our lives as…
Feel
Though I love to come here to share my thoughts, experiences and words, there are moments that I come across things that speak so poignantly that it must be given the space to spread to those who deserve to hear it. This letter is one I found this evening that I know so many who have lost, struggled, hurt and suffered, should read. Written by a…
Hope
Hope is the feeling we have that the feeling we have is not permanent. ~Mignon McLaughlin It’s a new year and, with that, I’d like to rewind to the beginning years of Michael’s death. I dreaded a new year. One in which he hadn’t lived. He hadn’t existed. A year in which I couldn’t even refer to the year before of him being…
8
12.23.13 Today marks 8. 8 years since the most remarkable man chose me to spend the rest of his life with….and he did…if only for a year and a half in flesh. I prepped the night before…jotting down what great deeds I would do, not only in commemoration of this special day, but the people and universe that surround and house the spirit and…
built
“A song can take you back instantly to a moment, or a place, or even a person. No matter what else has changed in you or the world, that one song stays the same, just like that moment. Which is pretty amazing, when you actually think about it.” -Sarah DessenThis Monday will mark our 8 year wedding anniversary. As I’ve said over the years, I’ve…
Compare
“We envy others, for we see their lives in broad outline, while forced to live ours in every detail.” — Robert Brault I’m leading a weekend with a group of widows for our organization and there was one commonality within the group:All had felt that their life, choices, look, path was less than when they compared it to others. Even more so,…
Recognizing the pain
I’ve been traveling a ton the past week and in the midst of that, found myself looking through notebooks filled with quotes and thoughts that have inspired my being. One in particular, stuck out this evening: “Your pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding.” Whoa!If that isn’t poignant to the ebbs and flows of our lives as…
Ill-Equipped
It’s a funny thing.The breaking of the shell that once encased a broken heart.A shell that unveils a stronger, more resilient heart….person…life.No longer protected by the bitterness and loathing of what occurred, you find yourself open and vulnerable to the elements of a life you’re ready to live.With that comes some of life’s irritants;…