Which Direction? Which Decision? Being lost is not new to me. My inner navigation plan is usually this: If you think you should turn right, it is highly likely you should turn left. Truth. I admire those who have a born sense of direction—like my husband. The kids often tell tales of being on a […]
Newly Widowed
The Fine Art of Inoculation
I’ve been anxious about this fall season marking the one year anniversary when life as I’d known it for nearly 30 years profoundly changed with the swift and unexpected passing of my husband, Rich. I fully anticipated and understood that the period between early October and the 28th of this month would be a […]
Who would’ve thunk it?
A lesson on asking for help. A common conversation among widowed folks is talking about what we miss after our person dies. What comes up first are the special things, the hugs, kisses, dancing, teasing, going to movies, traveling, watching TV together, playing cribbage or other games—the fun stuff we did together. Just being with […]
The Space in Between
. . . Mystery awake i wonder where are you now? feeling you is – for me – proof that somehow you still exist. arriving not at my will i wait i wonder waiting wondering is so hard. yet harder still is the mystery… the not-knowing. […]
The Unconclusive Conclusion
While writing this blog, I was forced to revisit and relive more than just my widowed walk. I dove back in time through many memories I had forgotten or hidden. In reflecting back, how ironic was it that I rushed through the four years of high school and the four years of college only now […]
The Volcano
I had something else written but this came to me right before I hit publish at 10pm. It’s a quick first draft but it feels more real than the mundane checklist of last week’s griever agenda. Thanks for reading and always being kind. The Volcano During the first 365, the sky was clouded with ash, […]
Never Ready
I can tell you exactly where I was standing . . . and who I was with when I heard that our superman died. “Impossible” I said. We are never fully ready to accept the death of our person. Time is a magician. Even with early warnings that death is near, time suddenly runs out. […]
happy birthday babe
in relation to the years, i feel small marking the memories. i remember when you taught me to light the oven in our first O’Keefe & Merritt stove–light the match, hold the flame to the small hole at the bottom of the oven, turn on the gas. i thought i might blow up the house […]
A Guest House – A Birthday –
and Two Questions How is it possible that Dan’s birthday–the second since his death–is already coming up eleven days from now? Surreal. As a mom of seven, I am used to the arrival of ideas from one or another of my children. How to accomplish one solution or another…what flourishes to add–or ways to contain–an […]
Yay!
For All of Us! We take off our wedding rings… (or) We leave them on… (or) We wear our ring on our neck… We don’t believe in an after-life… (or) We believe our partner is near and talk to our person every day…. (or) We find meaning in places our person has been […]
Fall Down Seven Times
Stand Up Eight On this early morning I am thinking about death. The loss of my beloved life-partner demonstrated death to me on the closest level possible. Which takes me to the next thought, I, too, will die. Thoughts such as this come without warning, arriving like fog. One day they are far from your […]
Camp Crash is Real
and so are Daily Life Crashes Camp Widow San Diego had everything. Mild San Diego weather, California’s sun and surf, and 300+ folks who know exactly how hard widowhood can be. After the last workshop ended, I had a strong collection of ideas, practices, and suggestions for life back at home. I was in great […]