and so are Daily Life Crashes

Camp Widow San Diego had everything. Mild San Diego weather, California’s sun and surf, and 300+ folks who know exactly how hard widowhood can be. After the last workshop ended, I had a strong collection of ideas, practices, and suggestions for life back at home. I was in great spirits and ready to conquer the world.

Then I arrived home to find that I had $8.46 in my checking account with two weeks till payday.

My enthusiasm and ideas were replaced with negative self-talk and self-blaming. All the good memories were pushed to the background and self-pity reigned.

There are a plethora of reasons why Camp Crash happens. Something happens in the life we left at home that deflates our energy, positivity; even our hope. Camp Crash is so real that they warn you about it before you leave.

Later, I found that Susan’s book must have been channeling me.

One of the tools I brought home from Camp Widow was a book I bought right before I left titled A to Z HEALING TOOLBOX, by Susan Hannifin-MacNab. Though I didn’t realize it mid-crash, I was following her Single Small Steps from page 168 . . . it was clearly a synchronistic happening since I had only skimmed the book briefly.

1. I reached out to the BE-ers in my life; the people with whom I can cry with, who will listen without judgment and make space for my feelings.
2. I asked for help from the DO-ers in my life; the people who normalize mistakes and their super-powers are solution-focused and non-shaming.
3. I avoided the SHELF-ers to allow myself to find my balance before risking any judgments they might offer.

It was fun to see (after my crash, burn, and recovery) how Susan named these actions long before I knew of her Single Step Suggestions.

A FUN STORY – When I picked up A to Z HEALING TOOLBOX, Susan happened to be at the CW book store. I asked her what her parameters would be if I included any ideas from her book periodically in the blog and she replied, “Use it in any way you want to!” So with her blessing and permission, I include her exercise from page 169 for any crashes that might come your way.

Because LIFE CRASH is a real thing, too!

So, try this exercise in order to be prepared for those moments that send us spinning.

Exercise: WHO’S IN YOUR LIFE?

This exercise will take 10-20 minutes. Grab a pencil and find a calm space.

BE-ers: These people will be there to sit with you, cry with you, listen without judgment, sleep next to you and your children, hold you and hug you without words.

Who are your BE-ers? List them here.

DO-ers: These people do things for you like: making your meals, shuffling your kids to their activities, completing household chores, helping you reorganize your finances, dragging you outside for a walk or run.

Who are your DO-ers? List them here.

SHELF-ers: These people may need to sit on your shelf due to negative or toxic habits, such as: constantly judging you, consistently giving unsolicited advice, leaving you feeling even more drained.

Who are your SHELF-ers? List them here.

Reprinted with permission from page 169 of A to Z HEALING TOOLBOX, by Susan Hannifin-MacNab (Wise Ink Creative Publishing)

What if I don’t have BE-ers or DO-ers in my life?

This is why Camp Widow exists.

Visit the Soaring Spirits website….when is the next Zoom meeting?

Where is the closest Regional Group?

I promise you: help is there.

Talk with other widows or widowers…ask how they built their support system.

Take one small step.

Find your people.