A lesson on asking for help.

A common conversation among widowed folks is talking about what we miss after our person dies. What comes up first are the special things, the hugs, kisses, dancing, teasing, going to movies, traveling, watching TV together, playing cribbage or other games—the fun stuff we did together. Just being with them…having them near.

What comes up next is the adulting we shared before they left.

Many responsibilities were shared between us that are now on us alone. Like house repairs (who to call? how much to pay?) bills and legal stuff like insurance, taxes and the like (are changes needed? how many $2.99 auto-payments do we have anyway?) and the regular weekly tasks of pulling out the trash bins for pick up, moving the car on street-cleaner day, and yard care, which in my case includes lawn care.

Dan and I had the same yard guy for about 13 years. One of the first decisions I faced on my own was to replace Steve-the-yard-guy, who announced he was retiring. There are many yard guys in our neighborhood; still, this felt daunting to me.

I gave myself a pep-talk and began the search.

A super-nice guy I found online was the guy I picked and he did a great job. The way he manicured the sharp edges was noticed and complimented by my friends. Everything was good—until it wasn’t, I guess.

The new guy ghosted me.

Feelings of overwhelm arrive in my life more often now. Grief makes them more complicated than before—is that an exaggeration?

I think not.

In any case, my tech-savvy yard guy who used a cool app for payments did not show up one week….then another week. No text arrived. No fancy notices on the yard app. When he finally contacted me he informed me that he was raising his rate $20 a month.

I immediately knew there would be no raise in rates for this widow. That much was clear.

For the next part of the story, you need to know that when things break down in life these days, I often break down with them. There have been more than a few meltdowns over what happened, what might happen, what should have happened, or what might happen in the future.

Aside from the way things came down, there is another good reason for strong emotions about a ghosted yard-guy since I have a special gathering at my home in about four weeks and my lawn–due to said ghosting–needs TLC.

But something in me said, “don’t go the yard-guy route.”

Rather than melt down I decided to buck up.

Before we moved to this house, I mowed front and back lawns for many years. My lawn is not difficult and the special needs with my dog brought me to the idea of doing it myself. It would be easier to do it myself.

Except. There is the matter of the timing and also the expense of buying a lawn mower.

I decided to ask for help.

After a long conversation with my daughter, Denise, we went from borrowing their lawn mower, to her partner, Dan, mowing the lawn every week, to buying a new mower, to buying a used mower. Instead of helping me by doing my lawn, I gratefully accepted her help with finding a used mower. If it took too long, her partner would be the back-up.

Score! I was not melting in tears and fears.

Score! We discussed many things and I became more convinced about what my instinct was telling me: mow it yourself.

Score! She was going to help me find a nice used mower and we had a back-up plan if that didn’t work out.

Here’s where it gets really interesting…

The next night, I found out that Denise had called her brother David to ask his opinion on a used mower she found. He replied,

I have a battery lawn mower in my garage and I have NO lawn!

(Yes…I, too, am wondering how it came to be that my son has a gently used lawn mower in his garage, yet has no lawn! But that, my friend, is a story for another day.)

Within three days of realizing the problem, a Ryobi lawn mower and weed whacker were delivered to my home.

It felt like a miracle.

What amazed me about this was that, this time, I did not have to cycle through all the worst-case scenario possibilities (past, present, and future). I asked for help to view the problem from a variety of angles, ended up concluding that doing my own lawn is the best option, and accepted help from my daughter on finding a used mower. She in turn asked for help to determine which mower was best and ended up finding a new-ish mower—for free!

Asking for help, and staying with the process, brought this snazzy little green machine my way.

I hereby resolve to try to remember that in the next crisis.

Hold me to it, will you?