His hugs. I felt them through my entire body. In our early days together, it was my hugs to him as he returned from deployment. We generally never had an opportunity for farewell hugs. Only words if he had time to call me from work and bid me a hasty goodbye. Quick I love you’s between us […]
Widowed Memories
Yes, I know David Bowie died five years ago…
Main picture taken in 1973, perhaps 1974, when we had just moved to Brussels ….and so did my brother Edward. I also know that this is a blogsite for widows, and I am widowed. But in addition to losing my husband Mike in 2017, I had only recently lost both my youngest brother Edward (15 […]
By Heart…
This week’s writing will begin with part of the first blog I ever wrote and it will end with an update and my reflections on the three years that have past since. I wrote, “Who Am I ?” on December 11, 2017. Three years later, these words are still powerful and true…
Food Grief
I have a personal blog and I wrote about the topic of food and cooking in October 2019. I decided to revisit it and update it as some time has passed, but similar feelings remain. I follow several grief-related social media pages and participate in groups through Facebook and Instagram, etc. Through these accounts, I […]
The Letting Go of Leaving
I have had an amazing time the past week with my family. A much needed reconnect. The interesting theme was everyone’s “sorry”. “Sorry we can’t visit.” “Sorry there is nothing to do.” “Sorry we can’t hug.” Funny how we take on the weight of “sorry” when we shouldn’t. As everyone was “sorrying”, little did they […]
Shattered Christmases
Weird shit happens at this time of year. Weird shit gets said at this time of year too. It feels like it is just a stream of obscene extremes. So many types of polarities and tensions, to hold and somehow absorb. To try not to get too upset about. Festive lights against dark, black-out-curfewed streets. […]
The Day After
The day after your diagnosis. The day after our last holidays. The day after your death. The day after all of the “firsts” without you. The day after all the seconds, thirds, fourth, fifths, sixth and, trust me, on the seventh day after there isn’t rest. Every day is a new “day after”. Funny, that […]
Orion and His Belt~
Like thousands of others, I went outside to look up into the Universe the other night to see if I could find Saturn and Jupiter joining to create the so called Christmas star. I have an app on my phone that allows me to point it at the sky and identify the stars and constellations […]
It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas (for real)
For me, this Christmas, and always, I choose to focus on the LOVE and not the loss. This makes all the difference for me.
Bitter, Bland and Forgotten Flavors
This year has been nothing less than bipolar. Severe ups, downs, twists and turns I could never expect. Year 1 and 2, I could keep busy, keep moving and face the loss of Clayton when I wanted too. Now, year 3, in a pandemic with the world halted, I’m forced to taste the truth and […]
The Woven Widowed “What” in the Fabric of Life
“What was I just doing? What was I about to say? What is that person’s name? I’ve known them for years. Damn it Bryan! What is wrong with you?” For a while, I thought that maybe I was a little crazy. I was struggling to understand why my thoughts were so scattered and why I […]
Banana Bread
Cooking was something I was always interested in doing. The first meal I ever cooked was a southern fried chicken dinner when I was around 11-years old. After that, I simply enjoyed cooking whenever the mood struck. I cooked regularly as a teen, then into my adulthood, I carried on.
Suzanne was an amazing cook—she was a true “foodie”. She loved to go to a restaurant and try something new. Then, as soon as the time was right, she would recreate the same meal at home. Her knack was getting the flavors almost identical to whatever we had eaten at the restaurant. It was a natural ability of hers that never ceased to amaze.