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Shared Hugs~

Posted on: January 13, 2021 | Posted by: Alison Miller

His hugs.

I felt them through my entire body.

In our early days together, it was my hugs to him

as he returned from deployment.

We generally never had an opportunity for farewell hugs.

Only words if he had time to call me from work and bid me a hasty goodbye.

Quick I love you’s between us and then nothing until he’d return home weeks later, and those hugs, on my part, were filled with relief that he’d come back to me safely.

Reassuring hugs. 

You’re home. You’re alive.

Sleeping hugs.

Him behind me, his body warm against me.

His knees tucked into mine, his arm over and around me, cupping my breast in his hand, my hand grasping his.

Warm hugs.

We’re together.

My stomach filling with butterflies as it sensed his truck coming around the corner, down the street. Opening the front door to see him walking up the drive.

A deep kiss, and then his arms wrapped around me, my arms around his waist.

I’m home and so very glad to see you hugs.

Music on, bodies swaying gently together,

Sweet kisses raining upon my forehead,

His hands clasped behind my back,

My body snugged up against his.

The two of us drifting into one another.

Passionate hugs that led us to the nearest surface.

Near the end we could only hug with our hands and intense gazes.

Cancer consumed his body and caused pain when touched.

True Love hugs.

I felt his as his green eyes followed me around the room as I tidied up, and I know he felt mine as I gently bathed and dressed him.

Chuck and I never stopped hugging one another.

Never stopped kissing one another.

He was in my blood and I, in his.

I think back on his hugs now, as I fashion pillows around me when I prepare for sleep.

Memories of all those hugs,

I ache to feel them again.

To feel him wrapped around me again~

 

 

 

 

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, Military Widowed, Widowed by Illness

Alison Miller

About Alison Miller

My beloved husband Chuck died while we were full timing on the road. We’d rented a condo for our stay in southern CA, and I had to leave 3 weeks after his death. All I knew at that time was that I had to find a way to continue traveling on my own, because settling down without him made me break into a cold sweat. I knew that the only place I’d find any connection to Chuck again was out on the roads we’d been traveling for our last 4 years together. I knew nobody out on the road, I knew grief was a great isolator, and I knew I had to change the way I traveled without him, to make it more emotionally bearable for me. So I bought a new car, had a shade of pink customized for it, bought a tiny trailer and painted the trim in pink, learned how to tow and camp, and set out alone. My anxiety was through the roof, and all I knew to trust was the Love that Chuck left behind for me. I found Soaring Spirits early on, thank god, and the connections I made through SS helped ground me to some extent. I needed to know that other widow/ers were out there in my world, because I felt so disoriented and dislocated. Through Soaring Spirits, as the miles added up, my rig taking me north, south, east and west, I found community. I found sanity…or at least I learned that if I was bat shit crazy, I was in good company, and realizing that ultimately saved my sanity. PinkMagic, my rig, is covered with hundreds of names of loved ones sent to me by my widowed community, and I know it isn’t visible to the naked eye, but I’ll let you in on a secret…she actually illuminates Love as I drive down the many roads in our country, and I can see it through my side view mirror. Love does, indeed, live on~

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