Tomorrow I am participating in the Geneva 20 km run. The last time I participated in a distance like this – approximating a semi-marathon – was 2019. The year Julia died. I remember that event so clearly. It astounds me that it was already three years ago. And yes, COVID happened. The Lausanne semi-marathon is […]
Widowed Memories
Birthdays Can Be The Worst Days
Last Wednesday was Tony’s 2nd birthday since his passing. He should have been 45 but he is immortalized at 43. Having already checked off a birthday without him last year, I thought I was mentally ready for this day. I was wrong. When I woke up on the 2nd, I felt the weight of the […]
Cumulative Grief
When you’ve experienced multiple losses within a short period of time, you may begin to wonder how much more loss you can endure. This is known as Cumulative Grief, when one experiences multiple losses either all at once, or before processing an earlier loss. In coping with the one year anniversary of my husband’s […]
The Journal
Yesterday, as part of a seemingly endless project to cull and organize my personal papers, I came across several items of particular interest. One of these was a blue notebook with several pages of Lee’s handwriting that I had not looked at carefully until yesterday. The notebook looked like Lee had intended for it to […]
Halloween Changes
Today is Halloween and per usual my feelings are complicated. I have always loved Halloween, it’s right before my birthday, I love dressing up and expressing some creativity. Before Tony and I had kids, we used to have a big party every year and we usually put a lot of thought into our costumes. Once […]
Good Thoughts and Prayers
I’ve found it difficult to recall the rapidly unfolding events that occurred this week one year ago. The beautiful fall weather in the South features lack of the nearly year-round humidity. Clear Cerulean Blue skies. The Scarecrow Festival in downtown St. Marys, GA, the place I now call home. I wasn’t able to recall experiencing […]
Hope as a Helpful Diversion
After I’d edited and saved last week’s post, The Fine Art of Inoculation, my home experienced a powerful surge followed by a brief power outage. I later found out, however, that some of my neighbors had experienced a longer period of time without power. Because of the precise timing of its occurrence, I suspect that […]
The Fine Art of Inoculation
I’ve been anxious about this fall season marking the one year anniversary when life as I’d known it for nearly 30 years profoundly changed with the swift and unexpected passing of my husband, Rich. I fully anticipated and understood that the period between early October and the 28th of this month would be a […]
Missing Him Until My End
We grieve because we love and lost our person. Until I was grieving, I didn’t really understand the depths of my love and how much space is carved in my heart for Tony. This week I’ve been grappling with the realization that I will miss him for the rest of my life. It’s something I’ve […]
Muscle Memory
Grilling and smoking is one of the things that Tony took the lead on during our marriage. I was a passive bystander at best. One time he put me in charge of watching some jalapeno poppers he was grilling while he ran down to help a neighbor. I managed to catch one on fire and […]
Rougher and Smoother Grief Grooves
Main image by Leslie Cross on Unsplash. Other pictures my own. Last weekend, Medjool and I went to the Valais to enjoy a late summer weekend of mountain walking. The hotel and two nights’ accommodation had been generously booked and paid for by him months – possibly even a year – ago. Innocently and caringly […]
Helping Hands
I have had a heaviness about me for the last week or so. I’m not sure why. Grief is telling me he’s here and I’m just holding his weighted hand. It’s almost like a stalemate of sorts. Both of us accepting the other’s presence. As always there are reminders everywhere and maybe they just build […]