This week I am in it. 😔 In a funk. The kind you can’t pinpoint to one single thing, just a mix of little and big things that make life feel so heavy and unfair all over again. It feels like a grief hangover. The kind that wants to keep you in bed for days […]
Widowed Emotions
Tears in Heaven
Well, I finally sold the travel trailer. It needed to go … because I won’t be taking it out on the road AND because I need to get it out of the way so Jim’s son can retrieve the cargo trailer that was behind it and pick up the Harley. Mission accomplished. Check received. And […]
We Went to Church
A few weeks ago, I took the boys to Church. And by Church, I mean Eric Church. This was Tony’s favorite singer and every song he released; Tony seemed to identify with more than the last. I don’t think there was a song he didn’t like. Right after Tony passed, tickets for one of his […]
“When Are You Going To Start Living Again?”
My widow group What’sApp chat was a flurry this weekend over one very brief – but very impactful – interaction one of us (not me) had at a party. She was chatting with someone she had not seen since before her partner had passed. Rather quickly, the “friend” said, “When are you going to start […]
Hi, My Name is Liliana…
THE MORNING I WALKED INTO A GRIEF SUPPORT GROUP I sat there, in my car, for what felt like an eternity. It was a cold, overcast Thursday morning in mid-February 2024, just like in the movies. I drove one hour to a city in Virginia to attend a Loss of Spouse Grief Share support Group, […]
Fever Nights
Wow, last week was ROUGH. When I wrote on Monday about being sick, I had no idea what I was in for. I was down for seven days with a fever of 102 I couldn’t keep under control and exhaustion. Every night, I woke up every hour or two either chilled to the bone or […]
Same heart. New chapter.
On June 30, 2021, I hit “publish” with equal parts excitement and nerves. Today, I’m hitting it one last time — with a full heart. Keeping my promise to write here each Wednesday created a map of my path through grief. Nearly five years of questions, lessons, fears, laughter—feeling lost more times than I […]
Sick and Tired
The last two days I’ve been sick and tired, literally. We had a busy Friday and Saturday night, and I thought I was just sore from the weekend. Then I noticed it felt like my skin hurt. That first sign your getting sick before the real symptoms set in, leaving you question if it’s real […]
Shout Out To Our PETS Who Saved Us
I came across an instagram post that talked about why a PET might be the only thing that pulls you forward after a devastating loss (when nothing and nobody else can reach you). It was an amazing post (I will try to figure out how to link it…) and it ends with the statement, “Pets […]
My First Valentine’s Day
I never asked, but I think the Facebook post I made on my first widowed Valentine’s Day was the catalyst that led me to writing this blog. Tony died in April of 2021, and I attended my first Camp Widow in October of 2021. After Camp, I became Facebook friends with the people I’d met. […]
A Valentine For You
V Very proud that you keep putting one foot in front of the other since your person left. A And how, when you fall down, you continue to get up and try again. L Love how bravery shows up for you at unexpected times . . . E Especially when you need it most. N […]
It’s in the Numbers
Three is most definitely “my” number … or 33 … or 333. Vern, Jeremy and I were a family of three. Vern, Jeremy and I were each 33 years old when our fathers died. After Vern died, I began waking at 3:33 each morning for months. I don’t know why I started waking at […]