is worth keeping
A valuable promise for widowed people to make is to prioritize our own self-care and self-worth by committing to our well-being and growth.
What does “I’ll take care of you” mean when we say it to ourselves?
We might begin by prioritizing self-care and dare to discover what “self-worth” means in our new situation. Its meaning varies from person to person.
Broadly, it includes:
- giving ourselves credit,
- saying no to things that don’t serve us,
- finding joy on our own terms, and
- taking steps toward rediscovering our individual identity.
If you were listening to the words I’m typing, you would hear them in slow-motion. That’s how much I want to emphasize the meaning behind these four small sentences. If I was reading this blog I would read the sentences again. Maybe do that right now…
Each of these suggestions, leading to self-care and self-worth, can be challenging for widowed people. The steps require courage and time. They require testing them out and then applying a lasting perseverance. In other words, try and try again.
Widowed life involves embracing new experiences, even when they feel uncomfortable, to create a new map for our life. In the beginning, this feels like a tall order.
So, let’s break it down.
We can promise to put our own needs first by practicing self-care, and prioritizing our mental and emotional health. This includes things like getting enough rest, eating well, and giving ourselves permission to say no. For me, my yes is automatic; saying “no” can be challenging. With time and practice, I am improving.
Promise to stop our self-criticism as we learn to quiet the self-talk. The more we do this, we begin to believe in our own worth. We are valuable and deserving of love and happiness, just as we are. In my experience, this is one requires repetition. How can we tease ourselves into an outrageous love for ourselves? We deserve it!
Promise to invest time in self-discovery and explore new interests, values, and needs. This is a journey of rediscovering who we are as individuals. Sometimes this is terrifying. Other times, it can feel like an adventure!
Promise to take one step forward regularly and to embrace the discomfort of new situations. Feel the fear and step out to find new opportunities in spite of it. Whether it is once a month, or once a year, we get to define “regular” for our own life.
“Figure out what scares you (like speaking in front of a group) and then find a way to do that thing as soon as possible!” –John Powell
Friends, we are already moving forward with courage every time we get up in the morning. Is there a way we can make room to move toward fun, too?
We might promise to reframe our life and create a new, fulfilling map for the future. Whoa! That sounds scary! But guess what!?!? This might mean turning our story into a love story for ourselves. Why not?
What is something we can create for ourselves that we can look forward to? I try to start with something small and then ride that success. Even tiny steps will get us to our destination.
Take courage!
Time takes us (at our own speed) to new experiences which we are free to continue or replace with another activity. It is our choice.
Step by step, we move through our grief at a pace that feels just right to us.
Note to us from me:
