Widow's Voice

Grief in Poetry

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I was doing a little doom scrolling today and stumbled on a video that cut me to the quick. In the best and worst way, because that’s how grief works.

Photo by Renan on Unsplash

The video was taken at the Happy Place Festival in the UK in August. It’s raining and a rainbow of streamers that decorate a tent are fluttering. Onlookers sit rapt while a woman in a bright floral dress recites her poem. And it’s gorgeous, this poem about grieving set against a colorful backdrop in the rain.

The woman was Donna Ashworth, and she was reading “I Missed You Today” from her book I Wish I Knew.

I Missed You Today

by Donna Ashworth

I missed you today but that’s nothing new,

I missed you a million times yesterday too.

I picked up my phone to tell you the news,

then realised, again, I can’t text it to you.

I saw your bright smile, at least twenty times,

and then I remember, it’s all in my mind.

I drive without presence, the world feels surreal,

And on comes your song and this doesn’t seem real.

I missed you today but I miss you a lot,

It’s helpful to miss you, it’s all that I’ve got.

I wish I could pull you down here for a while

I’m frightened to lose the shape of your smile.

I miss you today and I’ll miss you tomorrow,

There seems to be no coming end to this sorrow.

I try to go on as I know that you care,

I know that you’re willing me on from up there.

I miss you today but I’m trying to find,

A way to move on but not leave you behind.

A way to forge on with the love that we had,

A way to recall you and simply feel…glad.

 

It tugged on my heart in all the right ways. Yes, it brought the hurt to the surface but it’s almost a relief when someone captures how you feel with their words. It serves as a reminder that you are not alone in heartache.

Photo by Maria Lupan on Unsplash

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 45 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 11 and 15. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.