Grilling and smoking is one of the things that Tony took the lead on during our marriage. I was a passive bystander at best. One time he put me in charge of watching some jalapeno poppers he was grilling while he ran down to help a neighbor. I managed to catch one on fire and […]
Widowed Belongings
The Unconclusive Conclusion
While writing this blog, I was forced to revisit and relive more than just my widowed walk. I dove back in time through many memories I had forgotten or hidden. In reflecting back, how ironic was it that I rushed through the four years of high school and the four years of college only now […]
Widowed Wealth of Words
This week has been a huge transition in my life. I retired from my 23 year career to focus on my relationship and the business I own. I can work from anywhere which is giving me much more time to enjoy time. Of course, big transitions have change and responsibility. I’m organizing my own healthcare, […]
Growing Through Grief with Gratitude
Yesterday I felt like I hit the grief guardrail at 75 miles an hour. I knew it was coming and I knew I couldn’t turn fast enough. It was emotionally inevitable and, as much as I wanted to avoid it, I also have been needing it. It was an intimate group of family and friends […]
Tackling the Garage
Tony was a man of many skills. He was a hunter, a carpenter, a BBQ smoker, a gardener, and sometimes a mechanic. With all these skills and hobbies comes a lot of material things. Our garage shelves and walls overflowed with his things. Tony was also not the most organized man; organization is a skill […]
Another Layer to the Levels In Life
I’m happy to say that yesterday my boyfriend Devin and I got engaged! Yesterday I reached a new place in life that I have never been too before. Clayton and I never had the opportunity to get to this point. This weekend I am celebrating where my life has lead me, and the love that […]
Long Lake Weekend
Long weekends can be hard on us. While I love the time away from work and extra time with my kids, the hole in our lives is more readily evident. So, this weekend I accepted an invitation to stay with friends at their lake house. There were two houses packed to the gills. 11 adults […]
Fun in Funeral?
I booked the flight for Clayton’s funeral last night. It’s bothering me because a funeral isn’t supposed to be 4 years after someone passes. The celebration of life we had originally planned was put on pause and so has a lot of my growing through grief. Searching for flights and making travel arrangements didn’t cause […]
The Grief Cap
“Can I buy you a new cap?” “No thank you.” “Can you afford a new cap?” “Yes I can. Thank you.” “Do you know people might judge you because of how your cap looks?” “I like the worn look. It represents my well-lived life. Thank you for your concern.” “Do you know you look homeless […]
Just a pile of ash
The conversation of letting Clayton’s ashes go came up last week. His uncle was going to drive them up to where Clayton asked to be buried. So after 5 years I handed him over. I had lots of messages of support and messages suggesting ways I could keep some of Clayton’s ashes to hold on […]
The Final Passing
This week has been full of up and down moments. Life always throws change at you but fast change from a high moment to a low moment and back really takes a toll on you. I certainly need to rest the next couple of days. Not just sleep but rest so I can think, feel […]
Back in the Office
I went back into my office this week for a meeting and to work for a few hours. It was the first time I have been in the building to do actual work since March 12, 2020. In early 2021, I did go in to pack up my little cube so they could shift me […]