you trip me up o grief you sneak up on me you fool me you trip me up o grief you catch me unawares you pretend a thing is okay you trick me o grief you seem to be at a distance you move in close you sabotage me o grief gimme […]
Blog
Residual Trauma
Photo my own, from today – Our Lady of the Rocks, Kotor Bay, Montenegro I am not an expert in trauma, though I do try to keep up with the research and literature concerning how trauma affects the body, patterns of behaviour, transformation and healing. I try to keep up on what it means to […]
The Fourth is the Same but Not
Today is the 4th of July but my celebrations for this holiday were yesterday. This is our 2nd Fourth of July without Tony, but we haven’t changed any of our traditions that he and I built. Every year my best friend and her family drive in from St. Louis to fill my home. We setup […]
A Second Chance
So there has been something going on that is a very big deal that I have wanted to talk about for quite awhile in here, but until now, I didnt have my husband Nick’s permission to do so. Why his permission? Because the “something” is about him and his health. Unlike me, when something significant […]
My Past in My Future
I don’t know how to navigate this. I don’t know how to balance out this future placed bereavement. I have been pressuring myself to “figure it out” because I feel overwhelmed by a lot in life right now. Something has to give or I’m going to crash. My daily routines are way off, and I’ve […]
It’s just a clothes basket.
Tonight the handle of my clothes basket broke. It is a cheap plastic basket from Target. Nothing fancy. No big deal, right? Except, it was Boris’s laundry basket. I don’t remember why it was one of his belongings that I kept. It is sort of an odd thing to keep. But, it was practical. I […]
Message in a Bottle
As you knew would happen, it’s been an emotional couple of weeks for me as I approach the second anniversary of the date of your passing. I have no clue where to find you or, really, any way to know whether you exist apart. I do know that when I look up into the night […]
July 4th – Our Wedding Anniversary
Happy Anniversary, my love. Just a couple of kids who fell in love and were married just out of high school. Who knew we’d spend 51+ years together on this earth? A spark made it possible. The spark dimmed at times, but it never went completely out. We learned how to re-ignite it. We had […]
WeWe – or Widows Encouraging Widows’ Exploits
Photo by Jonny Gios – Coniston Water – on Unsplash I have been in the/my Motherland – England – these past days. It’s been wonderful. And it’s been weird. Though as I write, I have just crossed the border into Scotland at Gretna Green, and will soon be level with Lockerbie – forever imprinted in […]
Tackling the Garage
Tony was a man of many skills. He was a hunter, a carpenter, a BBQ smoker, a gardener, and sometimes a mechanic. With all these skills and hobbies comes a lot of material things. Our garage shelves and walls overflowed with his things. Tony was also not the most organized man; organization is a skill […]
Its not Fair!
There are times in this widowed life where I just want to scream at the universe or God or whatever randomness helps things to happen to people … ITS NOT FAIR!!! Its not fair that a widowed acquaintance of mine who lost his wife to cancer just 3 years ago, is finally starting to get […]
Another Layer to the Levels In Life
I’m happy to say that yesterday my boyfriend Devin and I got engaged! Yesterday I reached a new place in life that I have never been too before. Clayton and I never had the opportunity to get to this point. This weekend I am celebrating where my life has lead me, and the love that […]