Lately, I have been asked to appear on several podcasts, or take part as a speaker or be interviewed for “Grief Summits” and “Grief Conferences” and other such events which have intimidating and very serious sounding titles. The reason I’ve been asked to do these events quite often recently, is because the TEDx talk that […]
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The Weight of the Wait
There’s a heaviness of my grief that I haven’t talked much about and that grows closer to the end of watching someone die. You know it’s coming. You know it’s soon. For a long time you pray you get to keep them for as much time as possible but near the end my mind changed. […]
A Piece of Me
From time to time in these musings I have mentioned that I am a charter member of the Frazier Thomas Band. The Frazier Thomas Band was the imaginary air guitar band my oldest and nearest friends and I formed back in the late sixties to celebrate our halcyon days of youth. It seemed to grow […]
Standing at the Doorstep
Of Liminal Space In that liminal space, between what we know and what we can’t imagine, we are remade. –ludwig.guru Standing in front of a closed door reminds me of mystery. What is behind the door? Who might be on the other side of the door? What does the door open into….a large open room? […]
What You Should Know – revisited
Main image by Aron Visuals on Unsplash Italicised Section from Megan Devine: I was talking the other day about the realities of the second and third years of grief. We have this erroneous (and stupid) cultural idea that grief will be over, or at least appreciably better, by the end of the first year. Eighteen […]
No Straight Lines Here
Four hundred and eight days after Tony died, we finally mowed the lawn ourselves. With Memorial Day last weekend, we were out of town as were my neighbors who’ve been mowing our grass for us. Last summer, I didn’t even pretend like I wanted us to take that task on. I didn’t pull the mower […]
Find Your Sanctuary
Life is hard. Widowed life is hard. Sometimes things happen in life that really have nothing to do with my widowhood, but they are just “life” things that happen and that are stressful, and because I am widowed, my perspective on these things and how I handle them and cope with them is different – […]
The Potential of the Infinite Empty
Each of us has a unique journey. Sometimes it can feel infinitely hard, sometimes infinitely lonely but I have found that the infinite space isn’t showing us how empty our lives are, it’s showing us we have the gift to fill our universe indefinitely. I came to this understanding through a lot of self-reflection and […]
No more life lessons, please.
I saw this TikTok the other day that made me go: “YES” (it was one of those that I repost on Instagram because I do not fully understand TikTok). In case you don’t want to watch it, the soundbite says, “I don’t want to learn any more life lessons! My character is developed! Go away!” […]
Life Digresses
Suddenly, to my mild surprise, things are popping on my end that involve potentially life-altering changes. Suddenly there are unavoidable matters at hand that I must attend to without distraction or delay. Unfortunately, as a result, this means that for one week I must defer sharing my widower observations and feelings with you. My apologies […]
The Introvert in Grief
An Underground River of Loneliness A yellow phone similar to this one – the wall version – hung in my kitchen for more than twenty years. In the age of invention, the wall model could be fitted with an extra long cord that stretched through the doorway allowing dish washing, eyes on kids, and baby […]
Swimming Me Home
Photos my own A few weeks ago, I was on a Swim Trek holiday in Mallorca, putting in some training for my “big swim” planned for the middle of July – crossing the Lac Léman/Lake Geneva at its widest point (13 km – a smidge over 8 miles). I do want to do it. Really, […]