…. between a battle and a war. Huge. But unfortunately, when you’re in a war …. there are many, many battles to fight. I am not sure what your beliefs are ….. I don’t think our differing beliefs will matter as I write this. At least I hope they won’t. I write to speak out …. to share my guts with you. All of you. And we all “get IT”…
healing for widowed
The Cannonization of Art
This post was prompted by two comments. One by a widow who confessed to me that her husband beat her. She said that she felt so alone because all these widow’s husband’s seemed so perfect and hers was far from it. Two. My oldest son’s conversation with me about his dad. When I asked him what he remembered about a certain situation, he only…
a choice
I spend a lot of time loathing what has “become” of my life. Ruminating over the “before” and “after”. Taking stock of the injustice of losing my beloved so early in my life. Wishing life now was different.But when I imagine having a life that was so dramatically different and without the pain of Jeff’s death and all the repercussions from his…
Have I Told you Lately
Tonight’s just a night that I want to share how grateful I am for the eternal gift that keeps on giving. The one that allows me to be more than my loss and suffering and the ability to rise above and fulfill all my hopes and dreams. The gift that quietly nudges me out of the dark into a bright future. The gift that answers my heart’s questions and…
after.
it’s pure joy to see maddy with her auntie (liz’s sister), the two of them, as close as they would have been if… well, you know. …sometimes it’s the after that defines things, and after everything that’s happened, i’m happy that this she is such a big part of our after.
A.D. – Marking Time After Daniel
I’ve always found it fascinating that much of the world – Christian and non-Christian alike – mark time in a way that acknowledges the existence of Christ. We are currently in the Year of Our Lord (Anno Domini) 2011. Using this same sort of starting point, I have marked the time A.D. (after Daniel) and am currently in the year 6 on this…
My New View of Death
Duality of vision. At least that’s what I’m calling it. As of May 4th last year, my way of looking at physical things has changed. For example, driving into my garage every day I see Maggie’s catcher’s mask she used to wear while playing softball. It hangs just inside the garage door right where I park the car. When I see that mask, I…
My Other Ring
About four months after Phil’s death, I returned to my nail salon for the first time since being widowed. As I sat in the chair trying to keep it together while idle chatter swirled around me, my manicurist looked up and asked if I was going to take off my rings. Absently I handed them to her (my engagement ring, my wedding ring, and Phil’s wedding…
Yes
I think for a long time I thought that I’d feel happiness through some sort of thick membrane – see it, sort of touch it, and even be able to experience it in a distant way, but I doubted I’d ever feel genuinely happy again. I was certain the lessons that life had taught me would keep me removed from true happiness – I just wouldn’t be able to let…
Sharing Something …
…. that many of you have probably read before. But it’s always good to read again …. and be reminded of it, just in case you come upon someone else who needs it shared with them. And for those of you who’ve never read it …. you will, as always, relate to every line.”How You Can Help Me” Please talk about my loved one, even though he is…
Books Revisited
**I’ve been revisiting past blogs. It’s sort of a way to remind myself how far I’ve come and continue to go. Here’s one I wrote May 9, 2009, that I wanted to share. I think we all, in some way or at some point, turn to books, blogs (wink, wink), or other forms of writing for healing** I believe for me, that a huge part of figuring out one’s grief,…
Introducing Chris and Maggie
Like everyone else who shares the title “widower” or “widow”, I didn’t ask for this. I didn’t kick sleeping dogs or twist baby toes to make them cry. I can’t imagine what I did that pissed off the devil (or God) to get me to this place but here I am. Here you are. I’m not going anywhere so I might as well be polite and introduce us…