…. which really isn’t newsworthy (or blog-worthy) in and of itself. But I think that all of you will understand why I felt the need to write about it …. and to show it to you: Looks like a simple enough t-shirt, right? Other than the fact that there’s a heart on it, which gives me mixed feelings. Mostly because I haven’t visualized…
healing for widowed
Castaway
Sorry for another movie reference, but this one has been on my mind. Remember the movie Castaway with Tom Hanks? I was reminded of this movie just last week because of a dream I had. Remember how in the movie he returns after being presumed dead for years? His girlfriend of many years has married, and she now has a child, a family…she’s moved on.
Always
I’m sitting here, Sunday night, and watching the old Steven Spielberg film, Always. It’s one of those films we widowed people try to avoid, especially in the first year. I’m not in my first year, more like at 22 months, but who’s counting.This is one of those films that I remember enjoying, but never really thought to watch again. So, the details…
Easy
To put it simply…every action, every breath, every second of my life after Michael’s death was one thing and one thing only…hard. Okay, I should re-phrase….torture, painful, unbearable and hard to imagine surviving even a day. But an amazing thing happened today…like most things, it’s something I’ve noticed in passing since becoming a…
Healing Hurts Sometmes
When a friend is sick you hope they will get well soon. If you know someone who has cancer, you might pray fervently for them to be cured. After you’ve had surgery, a friend might call to tell you they hope you will heal quickly, but what about when someone dies. What do we wish then? After Phil’s death I feared getting better. I didn’t want to get…
we’re doing something right.
i got an email from an old friend the other day… at the end she mentioned that she attached a photo that she’d found while cleaning her house.it was a photo of liz and me in college. (i would attach it here, but it’s a pretty awful photo of me). i showed the photo to maddy. “who’s that guy with mommy?” i was blown away. yes, it’s true…
Empty Beds and Summer Blooms
When we first moved into this big, wonderful house, we toiled and planted together in our many gardens. We were building something long-lasting, rich, sensual and vibrant. The flowers in our garden were breathtaking. Our plants were exotic. Butterflies were abundant. Every clod of dirt became a colony of life. We loved every lizard, flower,…
Cherish your friends
I wanted to take some time to just talk about my friends. These past few months have been some of the most changing and challenging months since Michael was first killed. The difference though, is I now have an unwavering support system.Michael always urged me to go out and make good girlfriends, but with my best friend being him, I never clicked…
Let it strengthen you
I have read a variety of quotes with a similar message. I think anyone who has dealt with trauma, loss or tragedy has come face-to-face with this choice. I also think that, at times, we have all chosen each one of the three options. I just hope that as we all get further from the moment that provoked this epiphany, we manage to choose to let this…
To be continued…..
This picture was taken in 2006 by me…you can see me in the reflection. The headstone is mine, it sits right next to Daniel’s on a hill in Ellinger Texas. It’s in the cemetery next to the church we were married in. I’m sure my family and friends thought I was nuts when I ordered two headstones for our double plot. What did I need a headstone for?…
Father’s Day, Independence Day
So I was gonna try and ignore Father’s Day. It’s Father’s Day and my kids don’t have one. I was gonna just treat it like every other Sunday only….Well last time I tried to run from one of the “big” days, like his anniversary death date, like his birthday, like random days when his loss seems to be around every corner, I get slammed,…
Our Office
The past few weeks have been good. I’ve been getting our AWP offices ready and love all that that consists of. I’m in love with the space. I’m in love with the area. And I’m in love with the feelings and emotions that have come from making this step in life.I feel, more than ever, back in touch with me. The me Michael loves. The me I love. Memories…