I have been homeless since April 27th when I moved from my house. I should feel out of sorts and unsettled; but, really, I don’t feel much different than usual. I guess over the last 4.5 years I have become used to living in a constant state of restlessness and uncertainty. Moving usually causes people to feel stressed; but, for me, the opposite has occurred. I feel calmer since I left my house. This whole process has really been a lot less anxiety provoking and emotional than I anticipated it would be.
Widowed
The Tangled Widowed Web
This week hit hard in a way I never expected. My Instagram account was hacked and a social media storm ensued. I started to get notifications from Instagram and friends that something was strange. I was completely locked out with no options to change my password and get stuff back. The hacker started to email […]
This Terrain of Absence~
Life in the after is strange and weird and ill-fitting . What once was no longer is. Our physical world changes as intensely as our emotional world after our person dies. Even if our surroundings are the same, there is a person missing from those surroundings. The chair where our person sat. The table where […]
Sweet Grief
Main photo by Marcus Ganahl on Unsplash I am reading and/or listening to two startlingly wonderful books at the moment. Both make me sob and cry; my throat constricts, my shoulders slump and shake. Reading can be so physical and emotional. The first book (that I am actually reading) is “Dear Life” by Rachel Clarke, […]
Option B(e) – Take 2
When I finally chose to breathe life back into myself I recognized that I had the power, potential and capability to “BE” whoever I wanted. And, realizing this has made all the difference for me.
The beauty of rebuilding our broken selves is that we can BE who we want to become.
And, this is big, powerful stuff.
He should be here…
My parents are moving this coming weekend and it’s brought up some grief thoughts (of course!). I have been thinking about how Boris will never know their new house. But, then I realized that he never knew their current one either. They have only been in it for two years. But, it feels like he […]
Heartbreak Hangover
Last week took me on an exhausting emotional tour. The week before being widowed hits me harder than any single memory or special day. The emotional stress is heightened to such a level that when it starts to subside, I can physically feel the effects – Tired from lack of sleep, disturbed by nightmares, sore […]
An Odyssey of Love~
Once upon a time… A man stole my heart Right out of my chest. It’s ok that he stole it, Because he gave me his in return. He held my heart so carefully with his two hands. This man, dressed in the uniform of the US Air Force, Pledged to Love me, cherish me, honor […]
Alchemising Impermanence
Photo by Simon Berger on Unsplash Sometime around the age of 5, children learn that things and people die. Of course, some very young kids learn this earlier, through the tragedy of a close human death in their immediate entourage – be it the death of a sibling, parent or grandparent. But for the most […]
The Grief Tour
This week, my week before widowed, I took a trip off the main path of my journey and doubled back to the places I saw you last. My head said “yes” but my heart said “no don’t go”. It’s been 1,098 days since I could actually touch you, hear you and see you in person. […]
My Recipe. I Don’t Have One~
As I approach the 8 year mark, That will always be 7 years for me, Because how can I bear to count further the years you are missing from me? I have no secret recipe, no sweet story of how I got from there… April 21, 2013 to here… April 21, 2021. If someone were […]
My Partner is Widowed – so what does that mean for our relationship?
Image by Sarah Treanor, fellow widbud, on www.streanor.com My name is Neil, aka “Medjool”. As of June 2019, I have been fortunate enough to have entered the life and heart of Emma, who keeps this blogsite. Emma lost her husband, Mike, almost 4 years ago. She lost their youngest daughter, Julia, to grief-related suicide, 21 […]