Trigger alerts for: addiction, depression, and bitter sweet holiday memories. The last Thanksgiving that Mario and I had together was in 2020. It was the pandemic year, so we didn’t have a large group. It was just his dad, my parents, and a friend of ours. No one really knew it would be the last […]
Widowed Memories
Things They’ve Missed
Or Have They? There are plenty of things about widowhood that are “stage” reliant. How many days, weeks, or months its been since our person died. How many years since they left us. But the category of “things they missed” seems to come round no matter the specifics of time. It’s a category that never […]
When They Call You Mrs
I don’t find myself in many situations where there is an opportunity for me to be addressed formerly. 99.9% of the time I answer to Emily and Mom. Thankfully, my boys haven’t started calling me Bruh…yet. Last week I was volunteering at the elementary school for the bookfair. The kids get to shop or browse […]
The day after.
How many times have you thought back to your “day after”? That day, after your spouse shuffled off their mortal coil and you had to face a whole new life on your own, is not one that’s easily forgotten (even with the passage of time). Every now and then, that first day will pop into […]
Another Halloween Without You
Today is Halloween. Yet another holiday that Erik is no longer here for. The days leading up to any holiday always puts me in a strange mood. The anxiety levels become higher than they normally are. The feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment, hope, and everything in between all seem to mix together. Something I still […]
What is Grief . . .
. . . someone asked. a puzzle an enigma one long and unpredictable complication . . . a testament to love. grief the remnant from the flood proof that love existed love’s receipt. The poet, John O’Donohue says it best: For Grief When you lose someone you love, […]
As the Seasons Change
The reality of the seasons changing is hitting me a little differently this year. This past week we took our family photos for the upcoming season and it was the first true holiday photo session I had joined in with the twins since Erik’s passing. It didn’t feel complete because the most important person to […]
Steps Toward Healing
Step-by-Step we grow through grief Merriam-Webster defines “step” as STEP n. 1 – an action planned or taken to achieve a desired result 2 – an individual part of a process… STEP-BY-STEP adj. 1 – proceeding or changing by steps or degrees On April 9, 2023 (6 days prior to the […]
A morbid sense of humor.
This post isn’t for everyone. So trigger warning if morbid humor is not something you want to read. This post is for those who know in their heart of hearts that we all die. Memento mori and all that. Life comes to an end and sometimes the only thing you can do is smile at […]
When Strangers Become Family
Early last week a widow friend texted our widow group chat that was started after Camp Widow San Diego. She had shared with us that she needed to go to the hospital for her daughter. I was driving as I read this text and immediately my heart dropped for her. It took me right back […]
Halloween Decorations
The seasons are changing here in the Midwest and everywhere you look is a plethora of pumpkin spice and Halloween. Houses are decorated with giant spiders, pumpkins, ghosts, skeletons, and tombstones. In my before, I never gave any of this a second thought. Now I find it a little odd people are out there setting […]
Places in Time
Last week, I took a couple days off mid-week and traveled up to a hot springs retreat. The last time I was there was 2019 and I went with Mario. We wanted to go again early 2020, but then the pandemic hit. They managed to weather that storm and re-opened in late summer. We booked […]